Just a couple of weeks ago, my hubby and I found out that we are expecting our third baby boy.
I will be totally honest. I struggled coming home from that ultrasound. Not at all because of the news, but because I was pretty sure I knew what to expect with the responses from other people.
Now I know that’s probably an unfair generalization, but I did notice that as I began telling people that I was, in fact, carrying my third boy, the responses I got were much different than when I was pregnant with my first two. I was met with excitement and joy sometimes as well, but there was also this overwhelming sense that in this news, many people around me felt this need to comfort me, placate me, or apologize to me. As if something truly special was about to be missing from my life because I was welcoming another son, and not a daughter.
Yet here I am, and I could not be more thrilled! I’ve had a few moments of, ‘Well I had a feeling it was another boy!’ and ‘I believe God has chosen me to be a mom of boys!’ but it’s almost like people were reading my words as excuses to not be sad. And I’m not sad, not one bit.
Did I feel a twinge of disappointment when that ultrasound wand glided over my belly and the sonographer announced the news to us? Of course! I would have LOVED to have had a baby girl! But that twinge dissipated so quickly as God brought to the forefront of my mind a sweet and sustained joy that encompassed me, and I felt overwhelmed with love for my son.
Now mommas, I know many of you or your spouses/significant others have longed deeply for one gender baby or the other, and experienced disappointment in finding out that it was not to be. I want you to know that I am in no way judging you for those feelings! I think many of us, in finding out, grieve at least a little and need to give ourselves the space to do so. When what we want or expected doesn’t come to pass, it is totally normal to wrestle with those emotions.
But I will say that it hurts my heart when I tell someone excitedly that I’m having another boy and the air of excitement from them dwindles down. While I know this is not their intention, it’s almost as if they are letting me know that this baby is not enough to make for a happy life for me.
And the truth is? He’s not.
In fact, that was never how it was supposed to be. Our kids are not created to fulfill us, complete us, or be our source of joy. They are entrusted to us by our Heavenly Father to raise up, love well, and teach them to know Him first and foremost. Not to make us happy, not to fill a void in us. That’s the job of God alone.
And be it a boy or a girl, God has it all dialed in already. He’s already preparing to do mighty work in us with the littles He’s entrusted to us, no matter their gender.
God has been laying on my heart this immense joy and responsibility of raising young men for Him. And as the last couple of weeks have gone on, I have become increasingly excited as I sit in the knowledge of this blessing that my little baby is another boy. All that God has planned for him, and all that God has planned for me, is all sitting in the palm of His hand. It’s an awesome and heavy responsibility, especially in a culture where young men are often not shown what it means to stand on values of truth. I’m reminded often that these little boys in my care will not last long as the little boys I see, but will grow into husbands, fathers, church members, and employees one day. With God as my guide, alongside my husband, I have to keep that perspective in mind. It’s so much more than I ever realized.
I’m overjoyed about another boy! And as I continue to encounter people with curiosity at my growing belly, I hope that I can show them how truly blessed and joyful I am, and what a gift this sweet boy is.