*Sigh* We have all been there: Heartbroken at the holidays. The sights and sounds are almost too much to bear. People rushing around, every store dressed with holiday cheer. Shopping has become impossible even for the everyday needs. I’m heartbroken this year at the holidays. I find myself in a situation I had previously thought unthinkable – at the young age of 46 I really thought that this time I had it right. Choose the man that was a Christian leader, ethical, strong character, good teacher and best friend…
“WAKE UP Christina,” my sweet Daddy would have said, “Get your boot straps up and get moving.” Kick off the dust, pray to Mother Mary (my father was a devoted Catholic man), and get moving. This morning, I woke up with a much different perspective on this whole “heartbroken at the holidays.”
My dear friend Lisa sent me this quote around midnight last night and somehow after reading it and saying a prayer for my broken heart, I felt better for the first time in the last two weeks.
“You are still breathing. Your story is not over. There is more to you than what you lost. You might be breathing valley air, miles removed from any mountain but even here, you are, in fact, STILL BREATHING. And of all the things you lost, nothing took away the heart that GOD HIMSELF has placed in you to beat, to breathe, to be with HIM, here in the valley and until the end.” – Morgan Harper Nichols
My goodness, yes. I do have a huge heart; I love to give rather than receive. I’d rather watch someone open a gift than have them watch me open one. I’d rather see the joy and bring happiness to the brokenhearted…not be the brokenhearted. Somehow, I had lost my own identity in this heartbreak. I’d been so caught up in praying for the other person. His grievances weren’t mine; his crosses to bear weren’t mine. And, in my discernment prayer—while yes, he deserved it—well, I hadn’t really thought about how I might deserve it, too.
After years of abuse (physical, mental and emotional), it can at times be easier to push away emotions and pivot focus towards someone else’s abuse. It’s like Facebook—I don’t use it. Many years ago, my sweet son, Markus, asked me what I was doing? I was reading about someone else’s family when mine was sitting right in front of me. Again, I find that displacing my prayer onto someone else’s sorrow will not solve my own sorrows, nor help in searching for that perfect person whom God promised to bring me. An intelligent, handsome, strong, faithful man. A man who will bring his own needs and wants, but will somehow know how to balance the relationship and not become selfish, or run when things are tough.
At times, we all feel as if God isn’t listening. We can’t hear His voice; we can’t see His plans for us.
But, I am still breathing, my broken heart is still beating, my story is far from over, and my journey is always beginning with each new day. Tomorrow is not here and yesterday is gone.
So, heartbroken at the holidays?
It’s my choice to not be heartbroken at the holidays, and I think I’m going to look forward to celebrating Jesus’ birthday and singing as loud as I can (I’m a horrible singer). I’ll turn my attention to these Bible verses and remember God is in control and He will heal my broken heart, suffering I’m his child.
The Lord is near to those who are discouraged; he saves those who have lost all hope. – Psalm 34:18
You made me suffer a lot, but you will bring me back from this deep pit and give me new life. – Psalm 71:20
When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you. – Isaiah 43:1
I alone know the plans I have for you, plans to bring you prosperity and not disaster, plans to bring about the future you hope for. – Jeremiah 29:11
Don’t give up.
We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed; always carrying in the body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be manifested in our bodies. – 2 Corinthians 4:8-10