Why do our kids keep growing up? I don’t understand this! As a mom of two younger kids I’m constantly fascinated by the challenges that come in each phase. Recently, I’ve been talking to a lot of moms who have had children that have left the nest, only to fly back during the COVID quarantine for a variety of reasons so they have now been faced with navigating living in a house with their adult children. I sat down with Julie Lyles Carr, the host of the allmomdoes Podcast to talk about the tips she has for this specific season of life. Over the course of the pandemic most of her children ended up moving home, and she added her daughter’s fiance to the mix as well. It was a full house! Here are her 5 tips for navigating this season with your adult children.
This post is sponsored by Northwest University.
Don’t Do Their Laundry
As a mom wishing I could get my children to do their laundry, I love this one. When they step back in the house, let them own their things. You don’t have to take it back on just because you are mom and it might come naturally to do. Even if they don’t do it the way you think they should, you need to let them do it. you might feel like it would be nice to help them out with this, but it’s important to let them keeping owning their lives, even the small things.
Set Expectations
Setting expectations is essential. When they move back in you need to start thinking of them more as a housemate than as your child. When you have housemates, every person has a role, and responsibilities. Sit down and talk about what those things are in the house. This might include: taking turns with dinner, getting groceries, and picking up after yourself. This should be a collaborative discussion. Sit down all together and talk about this with your adult child, remembering to take into account their opinions and feelings as well.
Remember They Are Adults
Remember when your kids moved away from the house, they no longer had curfews, and no longer had to follow a lot of rules they had when they were growing up in your house. It is important to remember that even though they are coming back to your house, they are still an adult. Make sure you remind yourself of that because it can be easy to want to lay down all the rules again. There is a balance between expectations and rules.
Don’t Pay For All Their Stuff
You should not pick up all the bills. Let them pay for the things they were paying for. Depending on the situation, rent may be appropriate. Don’t start paying for their clothes or any supplemental things. If they are hurting for income, let them get creative. Don’t give them a free ride. This is an opportunity for them to grow and figure it out.
Consideration is Key
They may need to be reminded that they are living in your house again. In a kind way, you might have to remind them it is important to have consideration for what time of day they are coming home, how loud they are when they come in, etc…Remember they’ve been living on their own and may not have had to take this into account. In Julie’s house, she has both younger kids and then her older children who are now adults, so a conversation about noise level after a certain time of night needed to happen. Have grace but have the conversation.
Bonus tip: Don’t forget it is your house. If it comes to it, you have the right to drop the hammer. You pay the bills. With any luck setting expectations and having open conversations will avoid any drama, but remember you are still in charge in your home. It’s okay to remind your child of that.
I often hear moms of adult children talking about how they wish their kids were younger because they miss their kids listening to them! Mom, remember you were designed to be the perfect mom for your child. God knew the path your child would walk when he chose you. He will equip you in this season as well. Having your child at home with you again can be a great opportunity to build a solid relationship with them. Developing that sense of respect and a place of belonging for your child will bond you together in a powerful way.
Do you have an adult child in the home again? What have you learned?
Things had to pivot quickly this year, but Northwest University has risen to the challenge. We firmly believe that a high-quality educational experience for our students remains a vital priority for their lives. So, we’re taking every necessary step to continue providing that education in this unique Christian learning community that we all love so much. With on-campus precautions and an innovative hybrid model, Northwest University has demonstrated its commitment to both education AND safety.
No one can predict the future, but every student and parent should know that we are following all of the best practices recommended by public health authorities to make sure students remain as healthy at Northwest University as they would be anywhere else. Students, if God has called you to attend Northwest University, you can count on us to do everything in our power to facilitate your success. Learn more here!