You’ve missed your college-aged child while they’ve been away at school and can’t wait to have them home for an extended period over the holidays. You probably have expectations of how your family will spend this precious time together under one roof, but it’s not uncommon for fantasy to clash with reality.
To make sure the holidays stay enjoyable for everyone in the home, here are some tips to navigate the season.
1. Understand that they have people they want to see besides you. Their friends are home from college, too. Don’t take it personally when they want to re-connect with others.
2. Identify your “must-do” priorities. Think about the holiday things that are important to you in advance. Driving around looking at Christmas lights? Attending an extended-family Christmas Eve dinner? Watching “Elf” together and sipping hot cocoa? Chat with your child before they come home and tell them about your priorities. Let them know (respectfully) that you understand they’ll want to spend time with their friends, but that it would mean a lot to you if they’d join your family on specific days for holiday traditions. Don’t wait to spring your schedule on them the minute they get home.
3. Ask them about their holiday break priorities. Again, do this in advance. They might not have an answer right away, but prompt them to think about some of the things that they’d like to do over their break. After all, it’s their break, too. Be prepared to hear that some of their priorities involve their friends rather than just family. Do your best to accommodate their priorities cheerfully.
4. Give them space when they come home. You’ve missed them, other family members have missed them, but don’t jump into any tough discussions (INCLUDING your holiday schedule) right when they get home. Let them know how excited you are to see them, listen to their stories from college, and leave it at that.
5. Respect their autonomy. College is a time of huge growth. It’s also a time of developing independence. If you notice changes in your child don’t give them a hard time. Ask curious questions to learn more about why certain things have become important to them. And don’t sweat the small stuff – who cares if they sleep until noon or don’t make their bed? This time will be more enjoyable for everyone if you relax and just focus on connection rather than control or perfection.
It’s natural to want things to a certain way when your college-aged child comes home for the holidays. But unfortunately it’s also common for everyone to get frustrated or have their feelings hurt if expectations aren’t discussed in advance and the needs of both parties respected. With a little communication and planning, you can avoid some of the major pitfalls and the holidays can be the time of reconnection and memory-making you’re hoping for!
Northwest University is committed to offering the best academic experience for our students. With traditional programs as well as flexible online learning options, there’s plenty of options at Northwest University. Providing academic support, spiritual growth opportunities, and thriving community, we have everything to help your child grow academically, spiritually, and personally. Learn about the comprehensive supports Northwest University offers its students and schedule a tour today!
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