Like most moms, my to-do list is long. There are a lot of things that demand my attention – though in comparison to a lot of families, my list is relatively short. My kids are older and fairly self-sufficient so the hands-on work is minimal, they’re not involved in sports or other time-consuming activities, I only work part-time (from home), and I’m not involved in a bunch of extraneous endeavors.
Mom-ing, working, and wife-ing are the only three things on my list. But the problem is I’m a terrible multi-tasker and when all these things overlap with work-at-home life, a husband who’s also home all the time, and school breaks that have the kids home full-time, there’s no option other than multitasking.
When I focus on my kids, my work suffers.
When I focus on my work, the housework goes undone.
When I stop and clean the house, the other two get ignored.
It bothers me to the point that I can’t fully enjoy any of the things I’m doing without a nagging feeling that I should be doing something else. Every success in one arena feels like it’s offset by a failure in another. I’ve tried time blocking and assigning chores to my kids and all the other tricks, but the fact remains that the mental load is always there no matter what I do.
That’s not a complaint. It’s just a fact of life.
There are days when I wish I didn’t work and had nothing to commit myself to but mothering so I could feel focused and successful. But I know I have other gifts to give, and that I’d eventually feel sidelined and limited in my scope. I know that’s not the case for everyone, but it is for me. So there’s really no viable alternative.
Sometimes I get golden moments where I’m in “the zone.” Where I can play a game with my kids while ignoring the mess. Where I can set aside work to calm the housekeeping chaos. Where I can work efficiently without being bothered by the things around me. I desperately wish that could happen all the time, but it doesn’t.
And I don’t think I’m alone. I think that’s just the nature of motherhood. There’s always something to do, always something we’re not doing, and guilt lurking around every corner. Rather than finding ways to avoid guilt (because it’s not possible), let’s learn to recognize those golden moments when we get them and appreciate them for what they are.
Do you experience difficulty being in the moment with the task at hand? How do you manage your multiple priorities?
