My husband is a great father. He always has been. But in those early years, something bothered me. I felt he was doing all those “dad” things out of a feeling of duty rather than delight.
He would get up during the night and bring me the baby to nurse. He’d take care of the baby so I could go out with my girlfriends. He’d change diapers or take a sick day or feed the baby when needed. But it was more because he knew he should do those things as opposed to wanting to do those things.
Did I think he loved our kids when they were babies? Of course. There was never any doubt. But it drove me crazy that he wasn’t as excited to hang out with them as I was.
Fast forward a decade, and my husband’s relationship with our firstborn is beyond my wildest dreams.
He’ll drop everything to go outside the baseball when our son asks. They plan and go on intense hikes. They have inside jokes and laugh at ridiculous YouTube videos. They’re currently fixing a car together.
Our roles are reversed. And as I look back on my son’s infancy, I realize how absurd my thoughts and feelings and worries were. These days, it’s more difficult for us to connect. Sure – we find ways. But it’s not as easy, natural, or frequent as it is for my husband right now.
Mom, don’t try to orchestrate your husband’s relationship with your kids. Let it evolve naturally. If he’s not as “into” the baby or toddler or preschool stages, it’s okay. Don’t project that disconnect all the way into the future. (We moms are good at that, aren’t we?) A good dad is going to do what he needs to do in the moment, and he’ll settle into his season when it comes.
His parenting journey may not look like yours, and it’s okay. In fact, I’d say it’s even better than okay. It was designed to be different.
