Traditionally, there were three parenting styles: permissive, authoritarian, and authoritative. Then they added a fourth: “uninvolved/neglectful.”
And then, those parenting styles got thrown out the window because of the ever-evolving parenting landscape, along with our affinity for cutesy visual descriptors. So here’s a list of all the modern parenting styles and their definitions. Which one best describes you?
Helicopter Parent: This is the OG of the modern parenting styles; we’ve all heard of this one. Helicopter parents hover over their children – whether it’s constantly shadowing their toddler on the playground, refusing to let their school-ager play outside without supervision, micro-managing their high-schooler’s schoolwork, or constantly monitoring their young adult’s GPS location to make sure they’re safe at college or don’t get into an accident while driving home from work. Helicopter parents are very involved in their child’s life and take more than their share of responsibility for their child’s success and safety. Helicopter parenting is rooted in love, but it’s also rooted in anxiety for their child’s future.
Snowplow or Lawnmower Parent: Maybe the title depends on what type of climate you live in. But either way, these parents clear the path for their children so they can go through life without running into obstacles. In a way, it’s next-level helicopter parenting. Snowplow parents may call a child’s teacher (or even boss!) to fight their battles for them, call ahead of a playdate to establish needless “rules,” or go to great lengths to fix a problem so their child doesn’t experience disappointment. Like helicopter parenting, this parenting style stems from fear/anxiety.
Free-Range Parent: Free-range parents give their kids more independence than our society is typically accustomed to. Free-range parents make decisions based on their child’s perceived abilities rather than age, and reject fear-based safety concerns. They may send their kids to the park unaccompanied at a young age, allow them to stay home alone, or walk to school without a chaperone. Some parents who follow this philosophy have been accused of child neglect for failing to provide appropriate supervision to their young kids.
Tiger Parent: Tiger parents place a high value on academic or extracurricular performance. They demand excellence, and their parenting style is closest to the traditional authoritarian style which is characterized by strict demands. Tiger parents try their best to set their children up for a lifetime of success by setting high expectations.
Attachment Parent: The goal of attachment parenting is to help children develop a secure attachment during infancy and childhood. This is rooted in research showing that a healthy parent-child bond results in higher self-esteem, increased emotional intelligence, better relationships, good emotional regulation, and a greater sense of self. This is done through following the 7 B’s including birth bonding, breastfeeding, baby-wearing, bedding close to the baby, belief in the baby’s cry, balance and boundaries, and beware of baby trainers.
Gentle Parent: This style is collaborative and child-centered. Gentle parents do so without blame, shame, or punishment. Gentle parents do not try to control their children, but rather guide them through decisions. Natural consequences are favored over parent-instituted consequences, and it focuses on the principles of empathy, respect, understanding, and boundaries.
Elephant Parent: This is viewed on the opposite end of the spectrum from the Tiger Parent. Elephant parents are less concerned with their children’s success or performance, and more concerned with meeting their emotional needs – particularly in the earliest years. This parenting style resembles attachment and gentle parenting techniques.
Panda Parent: A panda parent is more hands-off than the other parenting styles, but is still more hands-on that a free-range parent. They guide their child and encourage independence without abruptly moving them toward a parent-defined model of success. Panda parents use both “hard and soft methods” to accomplish their parenting goals.
Jellyfish Parent: A jellyfish parent lacks structure. Their parenting is defined by giving into their children’s demands and being overly permissive. Jellyfish parents don’t provide clear boundaries, structure, or instruction. They avoid confrontation with their child and don’t intentionally and purposefully act as a role model.
I was talking with some people about the exhaustive number of parenting styles out there, and we agreed it’s pretty rare for a person to adopt a certain approach 100% of the time. We may lean toward one style during a season of parenting, or we may find that an approach is appropriate for a specific kid based on their personality and needs. We may favor a connection-focused approach most of the time, but implement tough love when we feel it’s called for. We didn’t think any of us fit in any of these rigid boxes and tried to brainstorm a new parenting style that felt more accurate. We came up with “Gardener Parenting.”
Gardener Parent: Welp, turns out we’re not as original as we thought because this is actually a thing. But our definition of Gardener Parenting is a little different that the original terminology. According to our very unscientific definition, a Gardener Parent nurtures their child to give them what they need to grow. They also prune (sometimes painfully) as necessary. And sometimes they intentionally let the land lie fallow because they know that the hands-off approach is doing unseen work beneath the surface that’s far more valuable than taking an active role.
So which parent are you? A gentle parent? A free-range parent? A tiger parent? A gardener parent? No matter which approach you follow, we know it’s rooted in a deep love for your child and a desire to raise them the best way you know how.
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