Tiny Tyrants and Tender Mercies

“Motherhood is the exquisite inconvenience of being another person’s everything.” -Unknown

The threes. They are a sweet and sour whirlwind of emotions. With each of our children, my husband and I have concluded that the “terrible twos” were a calm, spring shower compared to the thunderstorms that three can bring. That’s not to say I don’t also adore this age, and it can absolutely be full of heart-melting moments-but it is also hard! If you have a three-year-old or can think back to those days, you probably know exactly what I’m talking about. Don’t get me wrong, when he isn’t assuming his brothers are out to get him, our youngest is very generous, kind, and empathetic. But oh, if he senses the slightest offense towards him an untamable fury is unleashed. He locks them out of the house whenever he gets a chance and has destroyed many beloved Lego creations. He has even hidden the batteries for the tv remote under his pillow so that his older brothers couldn’t watch the show they wanted.

The meltdowns and destruction aren’t the only struggles when it comes to raising three-year-olds. Separation anxiety can keep coming in waves and that can make for some exhausting times. Potty-training mishaps abound. Food battles and bedtime battles can rage on in your little one’s efforts to gain control. No, it’s not quite the Battle for Middle Earth, but it can feel that way when I tell our youngest son that it’s time to brush his teeth, or eat, or get his shoes on, or really any possible thing that a human being could argue about. When he does comply (which is rare), he tries to negotiate and alter whatever it is he is supposed to be doing. Even if he comes to the table willingly, odds are he will argue about where he is going to sit, or the specific fork he wanted, or demand that one of his brothers doesn’t look at him. You get the picture. It doesn’t always help that the older kids are highly amused by his antics. With a captive audience, it’s nearly impossible to nip bad habits (or words) in the bud! Yes, sometimes his timing is spot on, and I wish I could laugh at how impeccable his aim was when he threw that food onto his brother’s plate or into the cat’s water bowl after fake-gagging at how disgusting he said my dinner was.

Not only does he have an audience, but our oldest is a teenager. Do you know what that means? That means we have a teenager and a three-year-old at the same time. If you have a similar age range in your family, you know that makes for a very lively atmosphere. Not to mention having a pre-teen and a second grader mixed in there. Lots of emotions, lots of personalities, and lots of things for a three-year-old to pick up on despite our best efforts.

Our biggest struggle at this current point in time is the bedtime battle. This has been the case for us more often than I can count over the years. Regardless of all the tactics we’ve used, our very strong-willed child finds every possible way to delay bedtime. Separation anxiety has also been more extreme and frequent with my little guy. He wants mom about ten times after he’s been tucked in. He wants me to flip his pillow, wants one more song, two more books, to go to the bathroom for the fifth time, he claims he has something in his eye and needs eye drops, he wants more lotion on his legs, a certain stuffed animal is out of place, or the door isn’t cracked to his liking. The list goes on and on! Sometimes, we find it all comical, but other times we just need him to GO TO BED! You might be thinking, “he can cry it out, maybe if he stopped napping he would sleep better, maybe a calmer bedtime routine, maybe no liquids past 6pm, maybe firmer boundaries when it comes to how many books and songs he has..” I promise you-we do all the things. This is just the stage we’re in. We work with him as patiently as we can just like his brothers before him, but at the end of the day… he is three and our family dynamic is what it is. We have older kids which means a lot of the time he is just along for the ride. We can’t always make accommodations, and he has five other schedules that inevitably impact his day. Sometimes that really gets to me, but I also understand that this is just how his childhood is going to be. It’s going to shape him in ways I can’t imagine, and that’s not always a bad thing.

He is an intuitive, spirited, curious, affectionate little ball of energy. I can’t wait to see who he becomes and I trust that God will work his attributes for good, but in the meantime- we are in the thick of it. In the throes of the tantrums, the big feelings, the frustrations, the fears, and the near constant battles. I hope that if you find yourself in this stage, you can take comfort knowing that three can be a really hard age to navigate and that’s ok.

Living in a three-year-old’s world and watching them learn and grow is incredible. How much they love being with you is priceless and heartwarming. Even when they’re a bit on the tyrannical-side, try to remember there is light at the end of the tunnel. At the risk of sounding cheesy and cliché, these years really do go by in a blink.

On the days when everything feels upside down, every moment has been a battle, and you can’t handle one more second of the chaos, you’re not alone. Not only are mothers everywhere going through similar stages, but Jesus is there in every hard moment. It’s easy to forget that when you’re losing your mind. Every “Moooom I need you!” at 2am, every mealtime when food is thrown and you can’t take one more mess, and every tantrum that’s being thrown. Jesus is there. We can’t always fix the chaos, but we can try to remember to bring our focus back to Him every single time. Just remember that three is fleeting. Three is crazy, it is sweet, and it is fleeting! In all that three brings, I pray that you will find as much peace, joy, wisdom, and humor as possible while you batten down the hatches for the next storm.

As a mother comforts her child, so I will comfort you; and you will be comforted over Jerusalem. Isaiah 66:13