We have a joke in our family. One of those things that didn’t start out as being funny, but as the years have passed, I can finally see the humor in it.
I became the family matriarch at quite a young age. Before I knew it, all the birthdays and holidays were held at my house. I made the food, cleaned my home, and entertained three generations. Since I was raising three young kids at the time, the day of the party always dawned with me being stressed and having a huge to-do list.
One year I finally admitted that I needed help. I asked my husband to please work with me to get ready. He very cheerfully agreed and I wondered why I hadn’t delegated before.
As I rushed around stirring pots and cleaning toilets, I realized that I hadn’t seen my husband for a while. I searched the house and finally looked out the window. He was outside HOSING DOWN THE SIDEWALK. Hosing down the sidewalk was not on my to-do list. In what world is it necessary to clean a public walkway before a party?!
I can laugh at it now and it has become a joke. Whenever we’re hosting a party I always look at him and say, “Have you hosed down the sidewalk yet?”
For years, I thought I was the only one with a weird husband. It turns out that I am not alone.
I once received a text from my niece that said, “We have people coming in 30 minutes for a party, here is Ryan “helping”. Then, she sent a picture of him high up in a tree topping it. His “man brain” decided it was crucial that the trees in the back of the property be topped before guests arrived. It was more important than the food or the cleanliness of their home.
Since then, I have seen countless posts online from women who have husbands with the same mindset. Men who get caught painting sheds, repairing fences, and doing other odd jobs instead of helping their wives with their massive to-do lists.
As a young wife I was pretty sure my husband had a loose wire somewhere in his brain that made him incapable of seeing the things that needed to be done BEFORE we hosed a random sidewalk. Now, I get that in husbands’ brains they really do think they’re helping. Topping trees and cleaning walkways might even be their love language. As much as we want them to do the things we need them to do, their brains just don’t work that way.
The world seems to have lost sight of the fact that men and women are different. Their bodies are different, their brains are different and their to-do lists are different!
To combat this, my daughter used to write complex lists for her family when she went off to work in the evenings. She thought she had left nothing to chance. Everything was itemized with bullet points and very clear instructions. Clean the bathroom – including the toilet! Empty the dishwasher and put EVERYTHING away. Yet still somehow things veered off course. Her family would stand proudly beside washed dog bowls while the kitchen and bathrooms were still a mess.
So, as we head into the season of parties, I am again reminded of how differently my husband’s brain is wired from mine.
I was looking forward to decorating my living room and having a calm place to relax and enjoy the décor. I put the Christmas totes in there and had them half unloaded when my husband decided to PAINT THE WINDOWSILLS!
My living room now looks like a tornado hit it. Couches are pulled into the center of the room, my Christmas things are strewn onto every surface and paint and brushes have replaced my precious Holiday décor.
In his mind, this all makes perfect sense. Why wouldn’t he paint the window trim? It had been on HIS to-do list for a long time. Never mind that we only have a few days before out-of-town company arrives. I am trying, really trying, to show grace while he works (slowly) on something he thinks will make me happy.
I am reminded of Mark 10:8-9
“ and the two will become one flesh. So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.”
Let no one or no- thing separate. Not even tree-topping, or sidewalk hosing, or fence painting, or …
Every day my hubby takes me out to the living room to show me the progress and how nice the windows look (they do look nice). I smile and try not to notice the piles of Holiday decorations in every corner and the furniture in the middle of the room. I try to forget the fact that I will be working to decorate right up until company arrives.
Instead, I will be thankful for the fact that I have a husband who is willing to give so freely of his time. His to-do list isn’t even close to mine, but I’m learning that grace is more important than my list.
And, just perhaps, a freshly hosed sidewalk is too.
PIN THIS!
Read more of Ann’s contributions to AllMomDoes here.
