My Kids Can Leave Without a Second Thought – Why Can’t I?

My kids are 12 and nearing 15 and are truly living their best lives this summer. For working parents, there are different stages of summer stress—often shaped by how old our kids are and what they need from us in each season.

I am in the 3^rd stage with my entering 7^th grade daughter which is where they have outgrown a lot of day camps but are too young for complete independence. She can be by herself during the day but of course she gets bored, and I don’t want her just home all summer. She has been doing some day camps and overnight camps and has been having a stellar summer so far. This is the first summer I have been comfortable with her being in the house alone at times and I think she is enjoying the mix of independence and down time along with scheduled fun.

I am in the 4^th stage with my son entering 9^th grade.

When I first wrote about the stages of summer stress, I didn’t know a 4^th existed; but it does. My son will be 15 soon and while he is not where I would say fully independent; I still need to know where he is and who he is with. He is definitely out and about living his best life. He has a few overnight camps with friends and has really enjoyed the ones that have already happened and is looking forward to one more 5-night camps later in the summer.

He recently started riding public transportation which has led to a lot of independence. I was very nervous at first, but he has been responsible, and I love that I can track him all day since he has a cell phone. He and his friends have been out and about all summer so far having a great time at beaches and other hang outs.

Each kid is different, each parenting “leash” is different. We have found that the things we are currently allowing and comfortable with are working for our family.

My girlfriend was talking the other day about how summer is going with two elementary aged kids. She is in that 2^nd stage of summer stress where the entire summer has to be booked out with camp and childcare. The 2^nd stage of summer is exhausting.

It got me thinking about how I have seen my kids less and less this summer than in other summers.

This is not because I work. I have always been a full-time working mom, including during the summers.

This is not because I am suddenly neglecting my kids.

The reason why is because they are just gone more.

Mainly because of all the overnight camps they have done; particularly my son. He has been at camps or away with friends and their parents camping; activities that take him away from us.

My daughter is still home a lot but has also been attending more overnight camps than in past summers. She’s absolutely loving it.

I miss them when they are gone. But I also know they are having so much fun and getting the summer that I want them to have. Friends, some freedom, sunshine. I am definitely a little jealous as my days consist of being inside at work for 9 hours a day.

I have two weeks over the summer I am taking off from work to spend with the kids and cannot wait for that quality time and to get away as a family. During those two weeks, I plan on soaking up every second with them and hopefully making it the best part of their summer with fun outings we have planned. The pressure is on.

I think constantly about how I will be seeing them less and less as they get older. I think about how I have just four summers left until my son will be (hopefully) heading off to college.

I love watching my kids grow, as we all do as parents. But I also get sad thinking about time with them getting less and less.

I have shared before that vacationing without my kids has turned out not to be something I seek to do. My husband and I tried it a couple of years ago and while I had fun, I also don’t want to do it again; at least not anything more than two nights max.

This summer has really shown me that I am ok with my kids leaving me, but I don’t love leaving them for extended periods of time.

I have many friends who vacation as a couple pretty often. This works for them and helps them to reconnect which I think is really important. Every couple is different and what works for one couple isn’t going to work for the next.

When my kids were little I thought I didn’t love the idea or the reality of vacationing without them because, well, they were little. As they got older, I told myself it was because the idea of coordinating someone else to be in charge of getting them to all their activities felt too overwhelming. This is actually still the case. They are so busy at their current ages that it seems impossible to attempt to have someone else take on those duties.

But I think I am realizing that it is just plain something that doesn’t bring me joy. A vacation should be a chance to unwind and relax. I just really cannot do that for an extended period of time if my head is spinning wondering if my son got to his swim meet on time back at home.

My friends who vacation as couples have the most fabulous stories and it really does sound just lovely. I think it might be something that could be good for my husband and I, but I still know that I just can’t quite commit to it.

My kids have been leaving me here and there all summer for camps or to hang with friends and I am perfectly fine with that. In seven years, I could have two kids in college, if that is the path they take. I think then my husband and I might have some couples only vacations in store for us. For now, I will live vicariously through my friends who are already out living their best vacation as couple lives!

Do you love getting a break and vacationing sans kids? Are you not quite there yet in your parenting journey? We’d love to hear!

Related: