Self Love vs Selfishness? I’m Going with Self Love

Mark.12:28-31: Then one of the scribes [an expert in Mosaic Law] came up and listened to them arguing [with one another], and noticing that Jesus answered them well, asked Him, “Which commandment is first and most important of all?” Jesus answered, “The first and most important one is: ‘Hear, O Israel, the Lord our God is one Lord; and you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul (life), and with all your mind (thought, understanding), and with all your strength.’ This is the second: ‘You shall [unselfishly] ]love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no other commandment greater than these.”

I’ve read these verses countless times before, but have always glossed over the part that says love yourself. Yes! It does say that. It says love others as much as you love yourself. Wow! Jesus expects and actually commands me to love myself. The notion of self-love has always seemed selfish and self-centered to me. Selflessness is a virtue, right!?

What immediately comes to mind when you hear the phrase “love yourself” You might think love yourself and yourself only. Think about what matters to you only. That’s why I’m glad Jesus added a qualifier: I am to love others as much as I love myself. The buck doesn’t stop at loving myself. I’m called to extend that same amount of quality love to others too.

To put it another way, you must first learn to love yourself before you have the capacity to love others.

I’m talking about the God kind of love here. Not the way the world defines love but the way God defines and demonstrates love.

I took a look at what many call the love chapter in the Bible to see how God says I should love myself…and then others. Here are a few of the verses that resonated with me the most.

1 Corinthians.13:4-8

1. Love is patient.
Motherhood is a journey. It is a continuous process, just like life itself. One on which I’m constantly learning, unlearned, re learning and growing. That takes time. So, I must be patient with myself as I go through the process of being molded into the wife and mother God blessed my family with. Proverbs.24:16 says a righteous person falls seven times but gets up again. It is not the absence of failure that makes one righteous, but the action of getting right back up again every single time one falls.

2. Love is kind.
Be kind to yourself Mom. Silence that voice of self-condemnation that gets a little louder each day. You are just what your family needs, otherwise the all-knowing God would not have placed you where you are. He knew you were perfect for the job and now you must know it too and keep on knowing it. On the good days and not so good days. Be kind to yourself. Train your inside voice to speak words that build up and not tear down. Provrbs.18:21 The power of life and death are in the tongue so speak life. It helps seeing yourself as God sees you. He sees you as the apple of His eye. A most prized treasure worth dying for. He says you are wonderfully made. Psalm.139:14. God says you are worthy, and you are loved. Jeremiah.31:3 Before you were formed, He knew you and chose you. Jeremiah.1:5. Zechariah.2:8

3. Love does not envy.
All it takes is just a few minutes scrolling on Instagram for me to start to desire that fancy house, that gorgeous kitchen with the marble counter tops and all the bells and whistles. That influencer who just had a baby but is already in shape and has the most elegant looking clothes of my dreams. And just like that ungratefulness, low self-esteem and depression start to creep in as I ask myself why I don’t look like that or live like that. Loving my self means being content in who God made me and with where I am at the moment. That’s easier said than done to be honest. And it requires a consistent conscious effort on my part. When I count my blessings; I’m surrounded by those I love and we’re healthy, well fed and live in a clean and warm home filled with joy and laughter. Psalm.89:8. Lamentations.3:22-23. 2Thess.3:3. When I look back on God’s faithfulness in the past and how far He has brought us; I’m reminded that godliness with contentment is great gain. 1Timothy.6:6

4. Love does not keep a record of wrongs.
I’m prone to replaying motherhood fails over and over in my mind. Even when I’ve made amends and corrected my errors. I keep bringing it back up in my mind and beating myself up about it. And that affects my now. What I did in the past and have already repented of is now spilling into my present and stealing my joy and that of those around me. I’m unlearned that harmful trait. Loving myself with the God kind of love means I must accept God’s gracious forgiveness and forgive myself as well. And then, importantly, forget. Let it go. Micah.7:9. Romans.4:7.

God says He has thrown my inequities into the sea of forgetfulness so why am I holding onto them? Not only must I ask God for the grace to forget the wrongs of others when they ask for my forgiveness, I need God’s grace to help me stop condemning myself of sin and failures when I ask for forgiveness from God and others. For there is now therefore no more condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. The old has gone, behold, you have been made new. Romans.8:1.

5. Love rejoices with the truth.
John.14:6
Loving myself means embracing the truth about who I am, where I am and where I’m heading. As a woman hid in Christ Jesus, who is the truth, knowing and finding my true self in Christ brings me great joy and rejoicing. The truth is I am weak. I have many faults and I’m lacking in many ways. How does this truth make me rejoice? Because the Word of God tells me that when I am weak then I am strong because His strength is made perfect in my weakness. 2Corinthians.12:9.

The only way I can know the truth that will make me free and teach me to love myself and others the God kind of way is my immersing myself in the Word of God and living by every Word of it. The Word of God is truth. John.17:17

6. Love never ends.
Jobs come and go, seasons come and go, even the children we are raising will leave our home and go start families of their own but love never ends.

God is love and God is eternal. So, it makes sense that love never ends. From now and into eternity, we will always be embraced in God’s love. Love for God, love for self and love for others will never end or run out when we are doing it God’s way because God is love and God is eternal, so His love is eternal. Psalm.136.1-2.

All of this to encourage you to love yourself with the God kind of love that is not prideful or selfish and arrogant but patient and kind. Then you will be confident in the love you extend to your spouse and children. Loving others as you love yourself; just the way God intended.