I see you. I see you over there exhausted, physically and emotionally. Your day planner is chock-full of appointments. You have court hearings and team meetings and evaluations and doctor visits. You’ve welcomed more strangers into your home in the last few weeks than ever before. Strangers who evaluate and assess and judge your home, your parenting, you. All this while managing to create a safe, comfortable space in your home for this child and creating an entire wardrobe for him, seemingly out of thin air.
I see you. I see you wrestling with your emotions, trying to remember what your life was like before he arrived and occasionally allowing yourself to feel the emptiness that will creep in when he leaves. I see you struggling with the guilt of there being less of you to go around for the other people in your life who need you. Your spouse, your other children, your employer. You feel as if you’re doing 100 jobs and failing at most of them. You’ve turned your life upside down and are trying to somehow make it as normal possible.
I see you. I see you confused by all the information you’re supposed to be processing. I see you looking around for the person qualified to make the call and then realizing, much to your dismay, that the person is you. I see you wondering WHO ON EARTH thought you were capable of making all the decisions you’re supposed to be making. I see you second guessing most of your decisions, never really feeling like you’re getting it right.
I see you. I see you being wrecked with heartache not only for the child you’re caring for but also for their biological family. I see you grieve what their mom and dad are missing out on. I see you wishing their life was different, that they could be a healthy, whole family right now. I see you trying to find your place in their lives, as a friend and mentor and co-parent.
I see you. I see you loving that tiny human without reservation. Giving your whole heart to this child who was a stranger not long ago. I see you grafting him into your family, completely, knowing full well that he could leave any day. I see you absolutely exhilarated because you know with zero doubt that you are doing the job that God called you to do.
I see you rocking this foster parent gig. You are absolutely not alone. You are doing an amazing job. You are loving so well. You are so completely qualified to be doing what you’re doing. Don’t question yourself. Trust your gut. And take a nap, you deserve it.
If you feel the heart tug and are considering becoming a foster parent, call Catholic Community Services at 253-999-9144. Foster care matters. These children matter. These families matter. Call Catholic Community Services and start your road to discovering where you fit into the foster care story. Together, we can change the story for these kids!
Read more of Abbie Mabary’s contributions to allmomdoes here.