Summer is fast approaching, and I am not quite prepared. But then I know, in the blink of an eye, the new school year will be here. No matter what grade my kids are entering, I always have a mix of emotions; excitement and uncertainty leading, amongst others.
There are some grades that have given me more uncertainty and excitement than others. The transition into kindergarten from pre-school, the transition from elementary school into middle school and now as I am currently experiencing, the transition from middle school into high school.
When my kids started kindergarten, I had all the same fears we all have. Were they ready? Would they make friends? I remember being worried my son might be a terror to his teacher. Flash forward and that first year of his schooling for both of my kids went just fine as did the following five years that finished up their elementary days. Not without hiccups. Not without some tears and frustrations. But also, not without fun and growth and many, many wonderful memories. Plus, a pandemic!
As I prepare for my son entering high school, it has helped me to think back three years ago to when he was starting middle school. I was filled with uncertainty and not totally sure how it was going to go. When my daughter then started middle school two years later, I wasn’t as nervous. By then, I knew the school, the administration, I was comfortable with the lay of the land.
Now with two kids who have conquered the transition to middle school and done so well, I realize my fears for my first born starting middle school were totally valid and normal, but also totally unnecessary. It makes sense that I felt less of all this for my daughter, because it wasn’t as foreign.
I remember my fears for my son starting middle school seemed bigger than when he started any other grade.
I had no actual reason to have these fears. My son was a good student; for the most part. He was well behaved; for the most part. He was starting 6th grade at the school that his elementary fed into so he knew a lot of kids. But still. It was new and foreign and I felt unready.
Notice how none of these fears even mention whether or not my son was ready. My son was very ready. He was excited. He seemed fearless. He was “over” elementary school and ready for the next chapter.
I wasn’t necessarily ready.
Rationally, I recognized that my fears had no real basis but that doesn’t mean I wasn’t half holding my breath over it.
As with many things in life, I prayed. Mostly just that it would all go ok. Not even fantastic or amazing. Just that it would be ok.
As time does, it moved forward all on its own and I found myself there in the pick-up line that very first day. My heart was pumping. As I caught a glimpse of him in the review mirror walking to my car, I quickly was able to give a sigh of relief. There he was laughing with a couple familiar faces of boys from his elementary school. They piled into my car laughing and asked if I could give them a ride home instead of having to walk. I exclaimed, “of course!” with relief.
Over the course of the year, we did have some bumps. Nothing over the top and typically due to my son failing to use common sense, which is quite typical for tweens and teens, as I have learned.
The year progressed and I felt it ended on a good note. My daughter is currently wrapping up her 6th grade year and it has been very seamless.
Middle school isn’t just a transition year for our kids. It is for us as parents as well. I feel the same about high school, though right now I am in the stage of complete unknown as it hasn’t started.
As the first day of high school looms, my son is nothing but excited and ready.
Middle school has prepared him for this next chapter. While I might feel anxious, I am also grateful that all of his transitions so far have led us here and that he feels equipped, confident and ready.
If you are a parent with fears of the unknown with a new school or a new phase of your child’s life, know that you are not alone.
Here are a few things that could be useful for you as you head into this next chapter of life:
Try not to sweat the small stuff. I say try because I know very well this can be a huge challenge. I also know that sometimes we think something is big when we later realize it was small. I think the lesson here is to take a breath and take in the situation before you immediately respond.
Remember they are not in kindergarten, don’t talk to them like they are. While I don’t believe middle schoolers have a full voice of reason, I also tried to keep in mind that my kids respond best when not treated like five year olds
You cannot fix everything. Your kid might come home with hurt feelings, they might make poor choices, they might not be fitting in. It breaks my heart but the truth is that we as parents cannot fix it all. Sure, we want to help our kids who are struggling with friendships and tell everyone just how fantastic of a kid they are. But we cannot. We want to be in their heads constantly saying “make good decisions” on replay. But we cannot.
Connect with the teachers. This will vary depending on your school but I was pleasantly surprised at our school that teachers actually emailed me back when I sent off a question. It’s weird not knowing all the teachers like I did in elementary so reaching out with infrequent emails can be a way to connect and get feedback on your child.
Advocate for them but also teach them to advocate. Teaching our kids to advocate for themselves is a life skill they will need. They are still young so advocating for them will sometimes be necessary. But teaching them to do that for themselves can also prove to really help as they transition out of being an elementary kid.
You are not alone. I don’t know anyone with middle school aged kids who has not worried or been disappointed or struggled. It is hard having tweens and teens. Find community, counseling and resources to help you through this phase.
It is going to be ok. The days when you realize they have multiple missing assignments or they didn’t have anyone to sit with at lunch or something else that breaks your heart or increases your frustration, remember it really is going to be ok. Middle school is an incredibly important time in their lives to be navigating and learning from their mistakes; because they still have you as a safety net.
They love you and they need you. I remind myself of this one a lot lately. They might push back, roll their eyes, act like they know it all. But in those moments, remember they do that because you are a safe zone. They love you and they are testing out boundaries. Cherish those moments where they hold a hug a little longer or randomly feel chatty and want to tell you all about their day. They love you every single day; even on days where it might feel like you can’t do anything right.
- Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. (Philippians 4:6)
- Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble. (Matthew 6:34)
- Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, yes, I will help you, I will uphold you with My righteous right hand. (Isaiah 41:10)
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