To The Pregnant Moms of Toddlers

My first son wasn’t even two when I became pregnant with his little brother. This is an age gap that many moms can relate to. It’s a time full of unique experiences, emotions, and challenges! Whether planned or not, growing a baby while you’re chasing a toddler isn’t just an adventure, sometimes it feels like more of an extreme survival course. It is full of highs as you anticipate your first child’s reaction to meeting their new baby sibling and adding another bundle of joy to your family. It can also be peppered with uncertainty as you can’t imagine loving another child as much as you love your first or how life might change as you go from a trio to a family of four.

No matter how badly you want to grow your family or how much you’re looking forward to meeting your next sweet baby, it’s normal if you also feel a sense of sadness for the way things are changing. This is true with the addition of every child, or at least it was for me, as the next oldest sibling is losing their spot as the “baby” of the family. I think it’s safe to say that pregnancy (or welcoming a baby in any capacity!) is an emotional whirlwind, but when you are pregnant with a toddler in tow, some days are so stormy that you just wish you could curl up under the covers until the baby comes!

Oh boy can those toddler years be explosive. Explosive diapers, explosive tantrums, explosive everything. Unless you’re a mom who has one of those compliant, tame, 12-hour sleepers that I’ve heard so much about! I looked at the mothers of magical sleeping babies with such envy in those days, but not one of my four children got that memo. With each bouncing addition, it became easier for me to accept that they were exactly the way God made them and to trust that he chose me to be their mother for a reason. Sleep, or no sleep!

When I was preparing for baby number two, things weren’t exactly a walk in the park with our oldest son. For one, he was still going through major bouts of separation anxiety which often left me crying in the hallway in the middle of the night, cradling my growing belly, as I closed his door for the tenth time to help him “self-soothe” as he screamed for me and flipped his light switch back on. He would yell, “Maria!! Mom! Help! Help me!” All. Night. Long. I was so tired. I was also convinced that there was no way the baby was going to develop properly knowing how much sleep I “should be” getting in order to have a healthy pregnancy. I would picture the worst and even had occasional dreams that he had no eyes or arms.

My oldest wasn’t a tyrant, he was what they call, “spirited”. He was an inquisitive, challenging, curious, empathetic, and friendly toddler who wanted his parents by his side constantly. No matter what parenting books I read, what methods I tried, it became clear that he just wasn’t going to make it easy for us. Ever. Meals, bedtime, and the moments in between were often met with battles. Kicking, hitting, and always wanting to be held next to my giant belly were also common for the stage he was in.

Natalia Deriabina

Add to that scenario my debilitating pregnancy nausea, not just classic morning sickness, but all day and night sickness that made it difficult to eat or drink without medication. My husband was also an active-duty soldier in the Army at the time, so even though he wanted to help more, his schedule wasn’t exactly flexible. I was uncomfortable, hungry, nauseous, and tired. My back ached and my ankles were swollen, and there were times I had to carry my kicking and screaming toddler all the way up the three flights of stairs to our apartment. It was hard. Before I completely terrify you, there were countless sweet moments mixed in there and we had such good times when it was just three of us! You’ll be glad to know that my dreams were of course, wrong, and our second son arrived healthy as can be despite my lack of sleep or the occasional jab to my belly from his older brother. Even though those first years with two little ones were bumpy, they were still full of precious memories as these new brothers learned to be friends.

“Come to me, all who labor and heavy laden, and I will give you rest.” Matthew 11:28 I repeated this verse constantly and it brought me so much encouragement throughout that pregnancy, and still does today.

If I had to do it over again, I wouldn’t change my “spirited” toddler for anything. Being his mom has taught me so much and having he and his brother two years apart has been such a gift in so many ways. Oh sure, he had me at my wits end most days (and still does on occasion!) but he’s an incredible kid, protective big brother, and is very steady and kind at his core. Seeing him become a strong young man who is about to learn to drive just blows me away. I still see glimpses of that mischievous toddler when I look at him sometimes.

Sweet mom, if you find yourself pregnant and chasing a toddler right now, take heart. When they fall and you scoop them up to comfort them against your giant belly, when you’re cooking and cleaning with swollen ankles and a sore back while your two-year-old wreaks havoc on the living room, or when your little one is absolutely losing it and you just want to cry, know that these utterly exhausting days will give way to a beautiful new chapter.

It’s not going to be perfect (hello, toddler waking a baby up from his nap!) You’re right if you’re thinking things will never be the same. Your family is going to change. Some days are going to feel insane, quite frankly. But I can’t think of a better reason to be tired or to feel insane. Your toddler will get through it, your baby will thrive, and so will you!

Proverbs 31:25 She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come.