Stranger Danger: How to Talk to Your Little Kids About Strangers

A few years ago, when our third son was five, he was playing out front where I could keep an eye on him. He knows not to leave the yard without his big brothers or parents with him, but then he heard the ice cream truck coming. He called up to the window to ask if he could get some ice cream and I told him, “Not today, please stay in the yard!” The next thing I know. I look out to check on him, and he is across the road in the cul-de-sac watching other kids buy ice cream! I sent his oldest brother to go grab him and when they got home, I explained I was very upset, the ice cream man was a stranger, and that it was dangerous for him to ignore me and cross the road. He replied, “I’m sorry, Mom. But I made sure he wasn’t taking any other kids first!” Well, I was glad he had at least put that much thought into his actions. Even though that wasn’t an assurance he would be safe from all harm outside of our yard and I was furious he didn’t listen, I was relieved that he had at least made some observations on his own.

If that had been his older brothers, they probably wouldn’t have crossed the street. They weren’t afraid of everything, but my oldest has always been extremely cautious of roads and strangers. Our second might not be quite as cautious as our first, but he is very wary of new people. I’m sure a big part of our third son being so relaxed and happy-go-lucky about life is that he has always had two big brothers looking out for him. So, when it comes to helping him understand potential dangers, we’ve had to have more conversations with him about it than we did the first two.

Of course, we couldn’t tell a preschooler details about kidnapping or any of the traumatic possibilities! Instead, we tried to keep it simple but serious. All he needed to know was that he should never talk to someone new without his parents. He should never go with anyone unless we say it’s ok and should never go out of our sight when we’re out and about. It can be a hard one to navigate, that’s for sure. You don’t want your kids to fear everyone and everything, but you need them to learn how to be safe.

You know your kids better than anyone, so use your best judgement when delving into this topic with them. Some can handle more than others and age is a factor, too. It’s not a fun conversation, but with kids between the ages of four and fifteen, my husband and I feel good about where our kids are at when it comes to understanding stranger-danger.

Sunny days are on the horizon as we inch closer to summer, which means our kids will be spending a lot more time outdoors in the coming months. Regardless of how well we watch over our children or how safe we assume they are, it still might be a great time to remind them about strangers. Even if you’ve been over it before, asking them on occasion if they know what to do in certain situations can be really helpful. It’s been a little bit different with each of our kids. Between their personalities and birth order, the conversation has come up uniquely for each of them. Some are content with a short answer, and some want to know every detail.

A great way to get the conversation going without making it scary, is to read the book, “Berenstain Bears Learn About Strangers.”

Our three older boys have thoroughly enjoyed this book and it even has a great “safety list” at the end for kids to follow that also helps parents make sure everyone is on the same page.

Have you had the “stranger talk” with your kids yet? It doesn’t have to be a big event or one more daunting thing to add to your to-do list, but it should be something that your kids are comfortable discussing with you once it’s appropriate.

When the stranger talks do come up with your kids, try to only tell them what they need to know. They don’t need to carry all of the darkness of this world on their shoulders, but they also don’t need to be so shielded from reality that they won’t be able to function the moment you aren’t around. It’s a tricky balance, but trust what feels right for your family and always keep in mind what’s best for them in the long run. You’ve got this, Mom!