Do you ever find yourself standing in front of the fridge or heading into the pantry, reaching for yet another snack…but you’re not even hungry? What is that all about? Amber Lia joins Julie Lyles Carr as she shares about how food triggers can be tripping up our best intentions to eat healthy and practice self-care.
Listen to “Discovering and Managing Your Food Triggers with Amber Lia” on Spreaker.
Interview Links:
Find Amber Online | Facebook | Instagram| Twitter
Book: Food Triggers: Exchanging Unhealthy Patterns for God-Honoring Habits
Episodes with Dr. Chris Winter
- #190- Leading Sleep Expert Dr. Chris Winter on Your Kids and Sleep (Part 1)
- #191- Leading Sleep Expert Dr. Chris Winter on Your Kids and Sleep (Part 2)
Transcription:
Julie Lyles Carr: You’re listening to the AllMomDoes podcast where you’ll find encouragement, information, and inspiration, for the life you’re living, the kids you’re raising, the romance you’re loving, and the faith you’re growing. I’m your host, Julie Lyles Carr. Let’s jump into this week’s episode.
She is a mom of 4 and she lives out in California and she and her husband, co-run a family-friendly television and film production company, and you are going to love my guest today. Amber Lia, thank you so much for being with me.
Amber Lia: Thank you, Julie. I’ve been looking forward to this.
Julie Lyles Carr: Absolutely. We were laughing before we got on the interview. We’ve been connected via social media for a long time. I always think about, oh, there’s my friend, Amber. Today is the first day that we’ve actually met. So I feel like a little bit of a dumdum. I can’t really figure out where our paths crossed, but it’s just so great to have you on. I so appreciate all the great stuff you’re doing in the world.
Amber Lia: I know that’s good to connect online that way, but this is better. This is more fun. I’m glad we finally get to do that. Absolutely.
Julie Lyles Carr: Absolutely. Amber, I am really excited for our listeners today to be introduced to you because I tell you, if there’s something that just comes up time and again, and particularly at this point, when so many of us started out the pandemic two years ago, and the first few weeks kind of felt like a holiday. My future son-in-law and my daughter, they were engaged at the time they asked she was living here in Austin. He was in San Antonio. They asked if they could come and stay with us because they didn’t want to be a part or not able to see each other for six weeks. So we included them in our bubble. They’re both fantastic cooks and we were cooking more at home and I was starting to make what, girl I’m telling, at some point through all of that, and I think it’s been the case for a lot of us, yeah, I just lost the thread of a lot of the healthy habits and discipline and the clean eating that had been going on. And what started out as a two or a three-year or a four-week lockdown turned into a whole summer of eating, however we want. And here we are, two years later and all the things that we were like, oh, you know, I’ll get my act together. As soon as, as pandemics over here we are. So you have done a lot of work on food triggers and nutrition. So that’s part of what I am so excited to talk to you about because I know a lot of people who are trying to create a re-set.
What for you began this journey of really analyzing and thinking about what was going on when it came to food in your own life?
Amber Lia: Wonderful question, Julie. You know, you’re right, don’t feel badly about being one of those folks that their schedule, their healthy habits, all of that went out the window the last couple of years.
There’s no shame in that. You, you are among good company. A lot of people are in that same boat. For me, this awakening and really step, just one step at a time toward a process of transformation in my own health journey, started three years ago in February. And so what happened was the, the actual thing that was pushed me over the edge to make a change was that my, my tight pants, you know, were too tight and I was about to have to buy another size up in just clothing in general. Like, I had worn them as long as I could. It was that realization that I can’t wear these pants anymore. My favorite pair of jeans actually, and I need to go buy a new pair. And I just said, that’s not acceptable because then I got really, really honest with myself. And I had just celebrated my son Quaid’s second birthday, he was a happy surprise baby, and I could no longer claim that that weight that I had been carrying around was just baby weight anymore because he was two. And so there was the combination of having to buy bigger pants, realizing this wasn’t really baby weight anymore, if I was going to be honest and also, really by the afternoon, I was exhausted every day. So I homeschool my four boys. We have what I, affectionately affectionately call a testoster-home, is a lot of energy. You know, my boys, there are boys who like to just kind of chill and do. Those aren’t my boys. Mine are the ones who love to jump off the roof and be in the trampoline.
They’re always inviting me into the trampoline and I’m always declining because I don’t even have the energy. And I homeschool them, and so long story short, I just realized this wasn’t the life that I wanted to live. I wasn’t living life to the full. And I did feel some spiritual guilt that I wasn’t taking care of my body.
You know, I talked a lot about it in my other books and, and in my ministry about self-control and really managing anger in a healthy way, in a biblical way, whether it’s towards your children or with your spouse. And I thought, well, I had a pretty good handle on that, that God had brought me through. I was not having that self-control in my eating habits and in my personal life, in that way.
And so I knew that I didn’t want to settle for that any longer. I wanted to be in the trampoline. I wanted to feel better. I definitely did not want to buy bigger jeans. So all of those things combined, and I was frustrated though, because I did feel very stuck, like, okay, I’ve tried all the things. Even some of the things that used to work in the past were not working for me now. And I found myself 85 pounds overweight at that time. The most I’d ever weighed in my life. And I had been a recreational bodybuilder before I had kids. So I knew what to do. It just wasn’t working for me anymore. And so little by little, I started praying about this issue.
Found a program that would work for me that was really simple for my busy lifestyle as a mom. And then really just dug into, okay, Lord, I don’t want this to just be about food. This has to be about spiritual growth for me. What’s the root issue going on within me? And what are these patterns that I’ve set up like, ice cream every night as a reward
when the kids go to bed, that I need to exchange for a healthier habit? And so I wanted to just really dive into what’s the practical piece of this, but what’s the spiritual piece of this. And that led me down this path toward eventually losing 85 pounds and keeping it off for, you know, coming up on three years now. And then that just led to a ministry of wanting to pay it forward and help others.
Julie Lyles Carr: Right. Yeah. Now, before we can even talk about food triggers, we have to talk about the trigger in and of itself because we’re going to have people listening, and I understand we have lived in a culture that has put so much focus on physical beauty and on physical fitness and has become so consumed by a lot of image, that it feels like now when we try to have conversations that could be helpful about nutrition, about discipline, about all those things immediately, what comes flying in, and I get it because it’s fair it’s happened, is this sense of are we going to shame women? Are we going to shame them? Are we not going to be body, you know, body positive? Are we trying to tell people that if they weigh beyond a certain amount or if they, you know, don’t weigh this, or clearly there are a lot of issues within that, and I’m sure you and I both have known people who’ve had significant eating disorders, even within the bodybuilding community, I’m sure you know. There is a whole issue with that. I’ve had kids who are professional dancers. There’s a lot of issue there. How do we begin to approach this topic and do it lovingly doing it with a lot of grace and acceptance for people? And yet also not hedge when it comes to trying to walk in better physical health and the connection to emotional health? How do we do that before we even get into the house and the what’s and the why’s, how do we set the stage correctly?
Amber Lia: Excellent question. You know, transformation is not going to happen on the scale. It’s going to happen in the mind. So, if we have a diet mentality versus a health and wellness and healthy lifestyle mentality, we’re going to get caught up and focus on different things. So, the scale it’s important only in that it does tell us whether or not medically we’re in a healthy place physically. For me, that’s really all it is. And there’s some flexibility. In that weight range for everybody. What we really want to focus on, however, is our health in general. And you know, for me, I talk a lot about things that do not relate to the scale whatsoever within food triggers. It’s really about even things like hydration. If we’re getting 64 ounces of water every day. That’ll affect your weight, but it’s going to affect your skin.
If you’re not getting 64 ounces of hydration every day, your body is literally circulating dirty water through your organs, and that affects your health. So for me, before I had this change in mindset uh, three years ago I was focused on the scale, and I very rarely think about that anymore. My emphasis is really on, okay, what is my future?
Like, because I have these four little boys, my oldest is 14. My youngest just turned 5. And they’re active. I want to keep up with them. I want to be that grandma, that great grandma, that’s having a great time at the family reunion on the cruise ship. I don’t want to be in the nursing home. So for me, the biggest change was, Amber don’t have a diet mentality.
Focusing on food is what got us into trouble. A lot of us, so focusing on food is not going to get us out of trouble. So it’s not all about food. And it’s not all about how we look. This is about how do you feel and where are you medically and how is your health? And is the, are the choices we’re making today, setting us up for these healthy habits that are gonna allow us to actually live life to the full as God designed.
Is it going to allow us to be strong enough and, and have brain health enough to actually do kingdom work, to really make the most of all of our days. There’s a verse in Psalm 92:12-14. And it says the righteous will flourish like a Palm tree. They will grow like a Cedar of Lebanon planted in the house of the Lord. They will flourish in the courts of our God. They will bear fruit in old age. They will stay fresh and green. And I’m like, that’s what I want. I want to stay fresh and green all my days. And so for me, with food triggers in my health coaching, I really emphasize health, wellness, longevity, living life to the full. Sure. The scale is going to be a small factor. Um, it’s okay to want to look good. You know, that doesn’t mean where these vain horrible people, but really, I think it’s just about our mindset. What are we going to focus on? That’s going to make the difference.
Julie Lyles Carr: So, right, because we find that with eating disorders, whether someone is dealing with for example, in something like anorexia or bulimia, or whether they’re dealing with where they just feel compelled to eat into a place of overeating and really making themselves feel sick, the focus is all food. I mean, it, it is it’s, you know, and so it’s interesting how you end up with disordered eating as a result when that focus is so heavily on food.
So define for me what you call a food trigger. Like, I think I know what that means, but I want to hear what your wisdom and your experience has to say about how you define that?
Amber Lia: Triggers can be internal or external. These are the things that trip us up and hinder us from making healthy habits. There are things like eating emotionally, eating from boredom. Eating because we are just unaware culturally, how big portion sizes have become when we’re eating out. It’s things like community, meaning food, right? Everywhere we go there are landmines, here, have this, you know. Even at church, you know, there’s the donuts on display in between your Sunday school class and the main service, you know, there’s just, it’s a permeation in our culture, this idea of food, food, food and not healthy food. You know, we live in a place that is not really supportive of a healthy lifestyle often. And so, all of these different things can be triggers, whether they’re those internal drives, um, things that, you know, really aren’t related to the stimulus around us, or just situations that we find ourselves in that are difficult to navigate. Add those all up and it makes it a really challenging, overwhelming thing to think about getting healthy. And hopefully if we can just take them one at a time and simplify them and make them practical, we can actually overcome them and have victory.
Julie Lyles Carr: I find for myself, and I certainly use food on the reg, I’m just going to confess, as reward if I am tired, if I’m, you know, and I, and I find too, and you can vet me out on this and tell me what you think, I found definitely in my mothering career, that I used food as a reward more often than not, because in a situation where it felt like I didn’t have margin for self-care, or in a situation where I felt like I was having to ignore a lot of my own physical signals of fatigue or achiness or tiredness, or just being touched out because I had toddlers all over me, if I couldn’t really do anything about that, because I was staying in the lane of trying to mother well and be present, well, dang it. I could do it with a handful of peanut M&M’s in my hand. You know, it’s just, it became a form of self-care in a lot of ways. So, I’ve been a little, I’ve been growing in awareness of how I’ve used food almost as a form of self-care except a really twisted definition of that. But I’m amazed too, and I think some of this can be cultural, I have family roots in the deep south, even though I was raised out in California, close to you, but family roots in the deep south and I in particular had a grandmother who, part of how she showed love was by cooking everything. And it was all the most delicious, crazy stuff you’ve ever tasted, but it was all deep fried, but it was so good.
Um, so in my own iteration of mothering of hospitality, of all the things, and you touched on this, when you talked about how we just present food, every, everything is an eating situation, I do, like, I show love by the things I’m cooking and making and the abundance and all of that. How do we begin the process of doing the self-analysis of what food represents to us? Because I’m sure there are other areas, Amber, I’m just blind to it. You know, I don’t understand exactly what the connection is. Those are the two that I’m aware of. How do we do that self-check about the value we are assigning to food and what it means to us?
Amber Lia: So good. It was a real awakening for me when I started thinking about that food is fuel and food is medicine. So often, you know, that handful of peanut M&M’s you mentioned, or for me, my nightly reward to getting, for getting through the day, homeschooling my boys and working from home, and all of the things was that bowl of ice cream while I watched TV with my husband, it was a pattern for me about a three-year long pattern.
And so it’s momentary quote-unquote self-care, right that we think it is, but it’s really a momentary pleasure as opposed to a long-term satisfaction. So we need a disruption in our thinking process where we stopped thinking about that quick fix of that momentary pleasure and think, how can I exchange that for something that’s actually going to give me a long-term satisfaction that’s a healthier habit? And it does take intentionality and mindfulness to switch and exchange that unhealthy pattern for that God honoring habit. And one of the things that I think is really challenging for moms and dads too, is that we are very selfless, right? We don’t have time to make that healthy option. It’s easier to grab the M&M’s because we’re very selfless. It comes from a pure place, but there’s a difference between selflessness and being self-punishing. And we have to start to think, okay, well, I think that that item that I want to eat right now is going to actually satisfy me or give me pleasure.
It really is this form of self-punishment that is not going to serve me. Long-term. Really, we need to plan ahead and say, what are some other things we can do, either eat or even actions we can do to help cope with the, with the daily grind and all the demands and all the things so that we’re not feeling so depleted. And we need that just little quick, fix that little bit of pleasure to help us get through the day. If we’re feeling dissatisfied, if we’re feeling drained, if we’re feeling emotional, those are all things that originate in our heart. We’re not going to be able to satisfy them by filling our stomachs.
Julie Lyles Carr: You mentioned too, and I find this to be very interesting, the number of times I’ll find myself taking a break between some work tasks, and I also am here at home quite a bit. I am sometimes in the field for different clients and things like that, but oftentimes I’m here in the home, and I need a little mental break because I’m coming off of one task, I’m getting ready to roll into another one, this was even the same when work was not as much the focus or I was working in the evenings when my kids were already in bed, I developed a habit, Amber, of going into the pantry and standing and looking for something. And I would say to some degree it was a form of trying to create a reset or out of boredom.
And I definitely see with my kids, some of the things that we’ve been dealing with, particularly during the pandemic, is that sense of just eating out of pure boredom. How prevalent do you think that is? That maybe we might be a little bit more aware of where we’re using food as a pleasure item or as a, you know, quote unquote self-care kind of items, but maybe we aren’t recognizing maybe we’re just bored or we’re just looking for, for a reset.
Amber Lia: 100%. One of the chapters in food triggers is, is eating out of boredom. And what I say in all of my Trigger’s books is that triggers are opportunity, if we look at them that way. And so oftentimes we think a trigger is something that sets me off and makes me angry or trips me up in my health journey so that I’m feeling like a failure and not having success in my health.
But if we, again, flip our mindset and start thinking about triggers as opportunities for growth, these can be very good things in our lives, you know? So, for me, when I think about whatever my food triggers are. If boredom, if we recognize that boredom is one of them, then that’s a clue to like spend some time and think through, why am I not feeling fulfilled? You know, what is it about my thinking process or my spiritual life or my job that I’m in, or my hair do that I’m bored with? Like, what is it that is not satisfying me? Oftentimes there is that need to just tap into spiritually. Like, Lord, I need you to fill me with contentment and to allow me to find my purpose in life, because I think if we don’t find our purpose, we will pick a poison. And that poison could be shopping too much. It could be escaping into social media. It could be for many of us standing in front of the pantry. Wondering, what am I doing here? I just had dinner half an hour ago. Um, recognizing these triggers, even if, if it’s in your case, you know, the situation, there may be something there. That’s where we’re not feeling fulfilled. It’s an opportunity to say, Lord, I want to feel fulfilled. Not that every moment has to be this euphoric experience of my life, but is there something lacking that I need to put in place or do I just simply need to put a closed sign on the pantry after dinner is over so that I break that unhealthy pattern continuing to go to the pantry when I don’t need to.
Julie Lyles Carr: Recognize it, it’s become a habit. Okay. Say that line again. Cause I thought it was so great about if you’re not finding your purpose, you’ll pick a poison. Do I have that right? Say it again.
Amber Lia: You got it. Yep. Yep. You’ll you will eat, you know, all of us have an intrinsic desire for fulfillment and if it is not being fulfilled because God created us for good works. So, if we’re not feeling fulfilled in that way, it will manifest itself somewhere. So, you will need to find your purpose or you’re going to pick a poison.
Julie Lyles Carr: And we’re speak to that mom who is listening today, who is thinking, okay, I hear you guys. And I understand, but man, right now, things with my marriage are hard. Things with work are hard. Things with my kids are hard. I just don’t have the margin to try to take on one more thing to fix right now in my life. I think sometimes that place of overwhelm is what prevents us from getting started on something that we know could be good for us, could be powerful for us.
What do you say to a mom who is feeling that way and is frustrated with where she’s at nutritionally, but just feels like, oh gosh, one more thing on the chore list, on the coping list. I don’t know if I can do it.
Amber Lia: You know, I want to say this very tenderly and with compassion, Julie, it’s okay. If people aren’t ready. It is. So, it, I’m not saying this is easy. This is difficult. It really is. I have so much compassion. I spent years in an unhealthy place. I get it. I wasn’t ready for a long time because I didn’t feel like I have the margin. And the difference is that you, you will find when you’re ready for your turning point, you’ll find it and ask God to help reveal that to you.
But foundationally, one thing that can help us move in the right direction is to really determine and reflect on your, why. Spend 10 minutes today, just jotting down on a piece of paper, why would it benefit you to get healthy? What would be the reasons why you would want to make steps in the right direction?
Take all of the excuses or even the very realistic obstacles, put them aside for a moment and just reflect on what it would feel like to be healthy. What would you be doing if you were healthier that you’re not able to do now? What is some of those things look like? What are your whys? For me, you know, I had psoriasis that I was battling for years. It’s a skin disease that can be very painful. Nothing was helping me. I was so tired by mid-afternoon. I was never getting in the trampoline with my kids. Try though they asked to get me in there, and I was fearful about the trajectory of my life in even just five or 10 years. My husband’s father had passed away from a heart attack at a young age and I was concerned about his health too. And I knew that that why, like all of those whys were reasons enough for me to overcome my fatigue. To overcome my, my thought process that do I really even have the energy to try again? Do I even want to try again, because I’ve been on this yo-yo up and down, up and down for so long.
And when your, why becomes stronger, it will motivate you and encourage you in the right direction. You know, the image of playing basketball on the court with your kids and hanging out with them and having fun. That picture in my mind was more vivid to me, then the pleasurable smell from the donuts coming out of the bakery store, you know.
And so, when your, why is front and center, when it’s really strong and powerful, that’s what’s going to move you in the right direction. But if you’re not there yet, I understand just be patient with yourself.
Julie Lyles Carr: Right. You know, I tell you the mistake I’ve made multiple times and having been a long distance runner having done half-marathons and all of that, I’ve gotten, you know, weird intensity thing, you are a bodybuilder, I’m sure you get this too, there are those of us that if we feel like it’s gotten a little bit out of our grasp and, or maybe you’ve never like it’s been in your grasp, but I will do the thing where I go in and that’s it… and I take the trash can and I sweep through the pantry and then I lace on my running shoes and I go running and walking and running and walking and running and I, I do the things so big and so full out… Sometimes it’s worked Amber, but like you said, sometimes the things that have worked in the past don’t work in our present day. I’m telling you girl, it doesn’t work anymore. Like I have hit the point where when I do have to do a reset or restart, if I attach to that a whole lot of pain, the brain doesn’t want to participate. And it creates a contagion that when I need to start getting back into better habits, unfortunately, sometimes I’m attaching it with a whole lot of discomfort and some of the things that I pulled the first time or the second time, or the third time that I decided to go full in. What are some gentle ways that we can begin to make some changes today that are sustainable? Because you and I, at the time that we are recording this, there are a lot of people who’ve launched into their new year’s resolutions, they are full-out they have new planners they’re using for it. They have new equipment, they have all kinds of new resolve, but by the time this episode probably will drop, which will be here in just a couple of weeks, we know statistically, most people, all of those great intentions have gone to the wayside and they’re already experiencing what feels like failure. And when we feel something that feels like failure, we often throw in the towel. So, what are some sustainable ways that we can begin the process of identifying our food triggers, understanding how it’s impacting us, being aware of when we’re doing things like going back to the pantry 30 minutes after dinner?
Give me the proactive things we can start doing that we can maintain.
Amber Lia: One of my missions is with all of my clients is to really emphasize that this does not have to be hard or overwhelming. The actual, everyday practical pieces are not hard. The emotional management part will be the hard part. The spiritual growth part will be the harder part, but we often think that it’s all about what we do and what we eat all throughout the day, and that’s really not where we want to focus. So, a few other specific practical, doable things that everybody can start doing today that will dramatically impact your health, is the 64 ounces average, you know, depending on the person, you know, you may need more. Um, and especially if it’s really hot out, you know, days like that, or if you’re working out, but 64 ounces, eight, eight-ounce glasses of water every day, that hydration piece, that’s going to affect your health more than you realize.
The other thing that we advocate for, the other healthy habit is getting enough sleep at night. So, try to protect seven plus hours, even if it’s interrupted, which often parents know young kids that’s going to happen. You can’t control it all. But at least making an effort to do that. I had to tell myself, because I loved staying up late at night, hanging out with my husband and I realized nobody’s going to tuck me into bed.
I’m great at tucking my kids into bed, nobody’s going to do it for me. I have to put myself to bed. So, I would set a little alarm and remind myself. Even using an app, like something like abide where there’s just some white noise or some gentle, calming meditation, or listening to some scripture as you fall asleep, can be very, very helpful to try to get you into a place where you maybe are experiencing better sleep, better quality. And then eating every two to three hours is one of my biggest pushes for people because our metabolism and our blood sugar needs to be stabilized. Sometimes, you know, a lot of my ministry in the past has been working with moms who struggle with anger and yelling a lot of our mood swings are often connected to just a chemical reaction and response that’s going on in our bodies.
Maybe we’ve got, had too much sugar, you know, and that’s making a cortisol dopamine loop in our brain that’s causing us to be more reactionary than we would be otherwise. But even just, you know, that process of eating every two to three hours and making sure our blood sugar is stable so that we’re not having these mood swings and giving ourselves a fighting chance to even just have a more enjoyable day and set the tone in our home where reasonably, because we’re not hangry, know these are simple things everybody could do.
Julie Lyles Carr: Right. You know, we had Dr. Chris Winter on, and I’ll ask Rebecca to link that episode as well, we actually had them on for a two-part episode because he was talking about the power of sleep. And he and I were laughing about the very thing that you hit on, that desire sometimes as moms, that the only quiet time we feel like we’re getting is that place that’s late at night. And there is a, there are some interesting terms surrounding that phenomenon. It is very identified. Some of it is kind of this like revenge procrastination or, you know, procrastinating sleep or whatever. I really, for myself and trying to break it and understand what was going on there,
was but I came to this understanding that it’s an indicator, when you’re really having a hard time just shutting it down at night. What’s the phrase wired, but tired? You know, it means that we’re not giving ourselves margin during some of our best waking hours. And our, our soul needs that time to have a little bit of downtime and to be intentional about where we’re trying to place that, because otherwise I’ve done it over and over to Amber, I’ve sabotaged myself on my sleep and the impact and connection it has on my ability to stay focused on healthy habits the next day? Uh, yeah. Directly correlated for me, for sure.
Amber Lia: So, yep. You’re not alone. It’s a real thing.
Julie Lyles Carr: Well, Amber, you have so many great tips for helping us really understand the places that we can do a better job. We can create greater health, a greener life in many ways. Where can listeners find you and find access to all the great resources and wisdom that you have as a certified health coach?
Amber Lia: Thank you, Julie. So people can find me at amberlia.com. My last name is spelled L I A. On my website is even a free, like three-minute wellness discovery forum. People can take that little survey there and I can give them some feedback on where they’re at in their health journey. And there are a number of resources there on my website. And then of course, I’m also on Facebook and Instagram as Amber Lia, as well.
Julie Lyles Carr: Alrighty, we’ll have Rebecca make sure that’s in the show notes so that people can find you. Hey, again, this is so needed for me to have this conversation to just kind of wake back up again and think about what I’m doing and why I’m doing it. And what’s triggering me all the things. I know it’s going to be great for our listeners. Amber Lia, thank you so much for being on today.
Amber Lia: Thank you. It’s been an honor to be here.
Julie Lyles Carr: Check out the show notes for all the links, info and other goodness from this week’s episode, with a big thank you to our content coordinator, Rebecca. I’ve got a request, please go like, and leave a review wherever you get your podcasts. It really does make a difference in helping other people find the show. And I’ll see you next week here at the AllMomDoes podcast.