-excerpt from “One Life on Earth” by Fran Bosa
I found that forgiving Samuel was far easier than forgiving some others who had brought heartache into my life. I knew I had been holding on to a great deal of pain and hatred toward my ex-husband for taking away the best years of my life, and that realization was eating me alive. After more than thirteen years, my ex-husband and I had had very little to do with each other, as I had been awarded sole custody and sole guardianship of our children.
During that time of very little contact, I held tightly to my feelings of anger, bitterness, and resentment over our marriage breakdown. I literally wanted to vomit when I heard his name or when I saw him from a distance. After our divorce, I tried to have him over for the kids’ sake, but our attempts to be cordial never worked. The intended amiable visit always gave way to arguing and quarreling and—predictably— ended badly!
After much growth in my walk with my Savior, I began looking at life through differently tinted glasses. I found myself praying regularly for my ex-husband. I decided to work at being civil toward him when I was in his presence. I asked God to help me feel compassion toward this man who had once been my husband.
A day came when I had to prove to myself and others that God had changed my attitude. When my group of strong sisters in Christ told me that I should invite Mario to my son’s graduation party, I became angry at their suggestion, as well as at what I perceived as their interference. I did not want to invite him, but, deep down in my heart, I knew it was only right to invite my son’s father to be at the celebration of his accomplishment.
When I knew that he would be coming, I even asked my family and close friends to be like Jesus to him. At the party, I graciously served wine and appetizers to Mario and his girlfriend. To be sure, as I think back to that time, I cannot take any credit for behaving like a Christian that day—only my Lord could have helped me to be calm, gracious, and sociable. The whole event turned out fine, without any incident, but inside I remember thinking more than once, It is so hard to be kind to people I don’t want to be kind to!
Throughout Andrew’s celebration, I kept telling myself “WWJD.” That particular acrostic had been immortalized in Charles M. Sheldon’s classic novel, In 87 His Steps. Because of a man who had crossed their path, the central characters in this book began making their choices and decisions by first asking themselves, “What would Jesus do?”
Yikes!I quickly found that a person surely looks at things differently when first thinking, “What would Jesus do?” I have to wonder how different the world would be if everyone would consciously recite “WWJD” before making any decision that would impact another human being’s life.
As I was writing this chapter on how I learned to forgive, I prayed that God would helpmetoaccuratelyrecallmystory.Icannotrememberaspecificdateofhowand when God began speaking to my heart, but I want to do my best to explain the next step on my journey.
I began praying in earnest for complete healing from my hurts involving the past. But I believe in being proactive. I believe God will often step in and work His work when we have done everything we can humanly do. One of the choices I made was to take a series of classes with some of my spiritual sisters called “Bondage Breakers.” Though I was eager to receive the spiritual teaching, I knew that I would have to address the many painful issues from my past. I knew I wanted to forgive Mario for what had happened between us, as well as the devastation of our family life. I also knew I had played a part in our marriage breakdown, and I needed to forgive myself.
My next bold step forward in the process of forgiveness was making the decision to purchase a Bible from the local Pilgrim Book Store. I knew the owner personally, and I know he was shocked at my purchase because he was familiar with my past. I asked that Mario’s name be engraved on the Bible, for the simple reason that he could then never pass it along to anyone else.
The store owner remarked, “This is a miracle.”
I responded, “When I was married, I was not allowed to have a Bible. I now want my former husband to have one.”
Shocking? All I can say is that the story gets better and only shows how good our great God is!
I nervously presented the Bible to Mario for Christmas in 2011.
“Thank you,” he said. Then he added something I never thought I would hear come from his lips: “I will read it.”
You will?! I thought. Wow! Miracle upon miracles…
Mario and I continued to make more of an effort to be civil and courteous as time went on—especially as the kids were growing older. I decided to forgive him in my heart and to ask God to take away my negative emotions as well as the hurt and pain I harbored toward him. All I can say is that God did as I asked!
Thirteen years is a long time to spend before coming to the realization that failing to forgive can cause destruction—not only to yourself but also to every aspect of your life and your relationships. Thirteen years is a long time to spend before coming to the conclusion that our ability and our reason to forgive have nothing to do with the offending person. The damage had been done long ago, but, like many people, I had chosen to be hurt and angry for far too many years. But no longer!
Because I have personally experienced God’s power of forgiveness, I can testify that God is the Author of forgiveness. Only through Him and through surrendering our will to Him can we, as human beings, even begin to forgive another person. We are unable to forgive in our own power. Jesus said, “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible” (Matthew 19:26; NIV). Learning this particular lesson on forgiveness literally changed my life.
Her brother was shot, her father died, her family lost their home, she lost a child, she suffered burnout, and she was near death three times. But this is also a story of perseverance and victory. After recounting her story, Fran Bosa explains what she has learned and where she has learned it. This book includes excerpts from the writings of Rick Warren, Joyce Meyer, Beth Moore, and other Christian leaders, whose words have encouraged and blessed Bosa and molded her into the woman she is today. One Life on Earth is available for purchase on Amazon or through her website.
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