I am the mother of a brilliant eight-year-old boy. His name is Romeo and I love him very much. He has this beautiful dark curly hair that always smells like coconut. When he smiles, his sweet little eyes disappear in his cheeks and his smile becomes so contagious that you can’t help but smile back at him. When we are out and about, I constantly get compliments about how cute and adorable my Romeo is …but soon those “cute” compliments will fade and none of the aforementioned will matter because he is BLACK.
Raising a black boy is a scary blessing. It is like a big countdown from when your child grows from this cute little person into a threatening weapon. Even though, my black baby boy may hate violence, may not believe in carrying weapons or even fighting. The sheer amount of melanin in his skin will make him a threat in a short amount of time.
I wish time would slow down. Not only because I want to cherish these sweet moments of his childhood, but also because I know that it’s only a matter of time before I can no longer protect this beautiful black boy from the ignorant people that will see him as a weapon of mass destruction only because of his skin color.
How much longer do I have before my 8-year-old son grows from cute to a threat?
This is a question I constantly ask myself.
Maybe 20 years? No… that can’t be right because AhmaudArbery was an unarmed black boy killed at the age of 24 for just going on a daily jog.
Maybe 10 years? No… that can’t be right because Trayvon Martin was an unarmed black boy killed at the age of 17 for just wearing a hoodie.
Maybe 5 years? No… that can’t be right either because Tamir Rice was an unarmed black boy killed at the age of 12 for just playing with toys in the park.
How much time? Could my son be seen as threatening today? Tomorrow? I am so worried.
Worried.
Worried that I won’t be able to protect him from those that fear him. Worried that he will be the next hashtag of an unarmed black boy dead due to a white person’s fear and ignorance.
I guess it’s time to have “the talk” with Romeo. You know “the talk” that I am referring to…
The talk about how it doesn’t matter how good of a person he is, how smart he is, how caring he is, that he is still a black person in America and black people are seen as scary to white people and police officers. I know I will have to share facts when having this conversation so he will understand how serious this is. Facts on police violence like,
Unarmed and black is a death sentence.
I don’t want to scare Romeo. I don’t want to see his innocence stripped away from him as I tell him about this cruel reality that he may soon face.
I wish I didn’t have to have this conversation with my brilliant son.
How can I not have this conversation?
How can we make sure that another mother does not have to bury her unarmed black son like the mothers of the brilliant black boys below:
To the Non-Black Mom,
Can you raise your child not to fear my son’s black skin?
Can you become an advocate and stand with mothers of black sons, to fight for justice?
We need you as allies. We need you to pull up and be an activist when we are too.
We show up for you being feminists and advocating Women’s Rights, now is the time that I need you to show up for us.
Every last one of those men that killed an unarmed black boy was raised by a mother. I wish that mother had the opportunity to read this post when her child was young.
I need you to go beyond sharing posts on social media. We need your votes. We need your voices. We need your help to ensure that our black boys live the lives they deserve. They will no longer be seen as less than human beings if you stand with us. I strongly encourage you to think about how you can support your fellow black moms before time runs out and our beautiful black boys grow from being cute to a threat.
Read more of Georgina’s contributions to AllMomDoes here.
RELATED:
https://www.allmomdoes.com/2020/05/14/a-white-moms-response-to-racism/
https://www.allmomdoes.com/2018/09/04/the-modern-motherhood-podcast-34-dorena-williamson/
https://www.allmomdoes.com/2020/05/13/raising-white-sons-raising-black-sons-two-moms-answer-your-questions/
https://www.allmomdoes.com/2020/05/19/the-race-discussion-and-the-ominous-absence-of-calvary/
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I am all aboard on taking action. My organization is working on it. It can not just be a mom thing. Dads and all need to be involved in this cause.
Thank you for your comment. We love working together to empower moms to make the change that is needed for our children to succeed.
You have no idea how Family Court that’s supposed to put the best interest of the child marginalize some parents. Fathers and sometimes mothers have to fight for the right to see their child, the only thing that matters to them is implementing a child support order because they have afinancial incentive to do so. They get matching funds from the Federal Government.
I agree with Christie both fathers and moms must get involved. Black moms must also recognize the value in their boys, have high expectations and raise them to be confident despite what others say or do. I intend to make a positive difference that would benefit young black men
Yes, great idea to partner with some fatherhood blogs and agencies that believe in moving the work forward. What can you do specifically as a mom to help this no longer be an issue?
Both comments sound tone-deaf to the topic of the article. Black fathers may have their own separate fears, written in a different article or book. Please do some research. This article speaks to when a mother fears her black son will go from a cute little boy and then become a threat because of his black skin. Why assume black fathers are not doing their part? Why mention fathers when the website is called allmomdoes? Let’s stick to the topic.
Thank you for having my back and supporting my view in the article. This is about how mothers can change the future for our little ones with the help of allies. You are spot on!
I agree. I’m a white mom with a white teenaged boy.
He has a diverse group of friends who actually discuss these things, openly.
He talks to me, too, but I know we have a lot to learn.
I’m listening…
I was born in Oakland, and a lot of my family still live there. One thing I know, is beautiful little black boys grow up to be those fathers.
This is why we, mothers, need to work together to make sure that transition into manhood isn’t a traumatic awakening.
Tell me if I’m off track…
THANK YOU!!!!! Thank you for writing the words that I couldn’t find!!!
You are welcome. We will find a solution!
Yes I want to help. Yes I want to help change the statistic. Right now the best way I can help in an immediate way is to make my 14-year-old white son aware of how different life is when he walks out the door as opposed to when his black friends walk out the door and go out into the world. Up until now he has always been taught to be kind and friendly and to be friend anyone and everyone. He’s a very compassionate young man. However, no matter what I’ve taught him in raising him thus far, he will be influenced as he grows older by friends and other adults in his life and outside sources and I won’t be there to counteract that. So at some point he has to be on his own and be fair. I don’t know how else to say that. I’m struggling for words right now. The other day I had a conversation with him in detail of all the stories I’ve read that describe what it is like for a young black man to go out into the world and go about their daily life. I had to describe to my son how different the point of view is and how easily my son can go about his business without a care in the world. I asked him if he is aware or has ever been aware that young black men his same age that he knows from school or other areas of his life are affected by the world in such a different way than he is affected. It was hard for him to grasp at first. He is an optimist and he believes the world is changing their point of view and that I’m just old and the world is getting better and people are treated more fairly. I told him that was wishful thinking. I told him the truth. I told him how it really is out there. I asked him what could we do moving forward to help make a change so that all of his friends no matter what the color of their skin could go out into the world and not have to worry about their hands being at 10:00 and 2:00 or appearing to be a threat just sitting in their vehicle not moving. I get it. I’m an adult so I can comprehend it. My son is 14 and I hope that 4 years from now when he is an adult he will also have the capacity to comprehend more clearly what is really going on out there and I hope that he will affect some change just by his own behavior. Bless you black mama and your sweet son. Your story brought me to tears. I will never know your fear. I know that. I will never know your fear but I am here to support you. Tell me what I can say differently to my son that might help by the time he gets out and do the world. Thank you.
You are doing the right thing, Mama! Keep having these conversations. These are steps in the right direction. Awareness is key into helping children understand how implicit bias can cause loss of an innocent life. You are not alone. We will continue to think of strategies TOGETHER on how to fix this!
You are doing the right thing! We all have to do things that we never had to do in the past when we were not aware of the scourge of evil in the form of hatred and superiority against our black boys! My baby boy, who is 26 years old was raised in a place where he was not at risk because of his colour, but at risk because of crime itself, but we have had to have the very open discussion on how he should behave himself if he is stopped by the police as we live in a country where he is at risk merely because of his colour. I am heartbroken, sad and yes downright angry that we have to contend with this evil. I have relatives married to white women who have ‘brown’ sons and I have tried to say to them that their sons will be at risk as they will be identified as black boys and she as a white women has no idea how black people live with the constant message of being second class citizens, and all the nuances of living with the lies perpetuated by a white supremacist society…..while there are many whites who do not support the white supremicist thinking the society is so structured that all whites benefit.
I identify as a woman of God, born again by the grace of God and I know racism hurts the heart of God. It is evil personified.
I pray for my black baby boy and celebrate him as often as I can because despite my efforts to educate him, evil exists.
Each time I read, watch a video or heard about another individual of color killed takes a piece of me. I am a mother of 3 black sons. My youngest turned 14 late April of 2020. This is beyond my neck of the woods, it is a daily part of me. Thank you for this platform.
How can I help?
Thank you for this essay and call to action. Thank you for your courage and outreach. It’s one of the most important pieces I’ve read this year. I am committed to your call. A mother’s love is powerful. In solidarity, we are more powerful still.
In the sixth grade, I found a book “The Best Loved Poems of the American People” and discovered Invictus. I read it every night before going to sleep, and it’s stayed in my memory since. Be well, sister. May you and Romeo live and love life for long, long time.
“ It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate,
I am the captain of my soul. “
My favorite poem of all time! I have it posted all over my office and home! Thank you for your support.
A poem I wrote:
Hands Up
Hands up
Arms extended
That’s how I find him sleeping
It’s beautiful
Splendid
He is at peace
Rest
Not like the rest
Of us
Whose trust is a thing of the past
Like Summer, recess
And everything else that doesn’t last
He believes the world sees him the way his mother does
He walks confident and tall
All he feels is love
He sees the world as I reveal it
Knows pain only if I allow him to feel it
I filter the world’s hate
Into bite sized consumable pieces
So he can remain untainted
While I become more speechless…
I love this! So touching!
This poem is beautiful. Is there some way you could get your name on it and allow others to share it? If you’d rather not, I understand, and thank you for sharing this wonderful poem here.
This is heartbreaking as well as very well written. My son is biracial. I had to have the talk with him too. I cried through it, but, I couldn’t not prepare him. I don’t know what else I can do to change the attitude of white males. I wish I had a magic wand. Keep writing. Keep telling it like it is. 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻
I understand your pain. We will get through this!
This was such a beautifully written piece! You did an amazing job with this article, I appreciate the shift towards the end that appeals to non-Black moms!! That is necessary! I am one of them and I live in the South. I’m a single white mom and 3 white boys, I’m a research student on urban youth (prison to pipeline issues mostly), a double major in Criminal Justice and American History but I’m also in the community working with system-involved African American youth and their families as a juvenile delinquent mentor. I share all of that to say in all the work and reading I do to gain enough credibility to make a real difference in my city – your article is brilliant and NEEDED! I know it starts at home, but even if you did grow up with a non-prejudice foundation, it’s the media that is constantly painting a negative picture of African Americans and it’s repulsive! I told my professors there is profit in racism and that’s why it’s not getting better. We have to get our legislation to change things and no matter what station we turn on the news it shouldn’t be allowed to shape the racial views of the audience by carefully crafting the headlines and focus to paint the “criminal” or “less than valuable” picture of our African American community members. The data you presented was legit, everyone already knew about the headline cases you listed but I really hope your readers clicked the “facts” link and read the data you offered.
I agree! Data has always shown the injustice. I hope these stories coupled with the data provoke an emotion that will spark change.
This was an amazing article that really resonated with me. Not only because I am a mother of two melanin young men, because I am to the point of where I am sick of hearing about all of the innocent young men and women dying by the hands of the police.
We pray that your sons grow and thrive into amazing young men!
I have raised my two children to love all people despite differences.❤️❤️
Thank you for being the change that we need in the community!
You Cute Beautiful Black Baby Boy was a Threat from the moment of Conception. I recall the Lyrics of a song by James Brown “on a cold and gray Chicago Morn another little baby child is born, and his mama cried, and than one night an angry young man stood there in the street with a gun in his hand and his mama cried”. His mama cried because she knew how difficult her Black Son’s life would be, and the Challenges he would face in this United States.
This sounds like an authentic piece that I must go and listen to!
The song is ‘In the Ghetto’, as sung by Elvis Presley.
I share your pain Sister. I am also a mother of a handsome man with a great future and I pray everyday for him to succeed. Black or White we are all mothers who treasure their children and want the best for them. Let’s always remember this and pull together to ensure that no mother’s joy is cut short.
We will get through this and our black boys will thrive.
I believe that this is one of the most telling documentaries:
https://youtu.be/3YuZSc9xIfs
It’s time for the subtle and overt negative narratives about our “boys to men” CHANGE for the BEST!
COUNT IT ALL PURE JOY!
Thank you for your support!
People would take these artless much more seriously if they weren’t dishonest. The police in William Chapman, Walter Scott, Philando Castile, Botham Jean were rightfully convicted and jailed. Those aren’t like the others. Mike Brown was killed because he attacked a cop and tried to grab that cops gun. Forensic evidence and credible witnesses corroborated. Tamir Rice was a tragedy but he wasn’t shot for playing with toys. He had a gun that looked real and was pointing it at people. All the cops knew was someone in the park was pointing a gun at people and when the arrived was trying to point the gun at them. Treyvon was killed by a hispanic man the media repeatedly tried calling a white hispanic to make it a race issue.
Blacks men are more likely to kill cops than be killed by cops. This is according to FBI data, which also found that 40 percent of cop killers are black. The police officer is 18.5 times more likely to be killed by a black than a cop killing an unarmed black person
Black men commit nearly half of all murders in this country and are less than 13% of the population, meaning
Studies have shownWhite cops are no likelier to shoot African-Americans than black ones are.
Data show that the rate of crime by each racial group correlates with the likelihood of citizens from that racial group being shot. If you live in a county that has a lot of white people committing crimes, white people are more likely to be shot. If you live in a county that has a lot of black people committing crimes, black people are more likely to be shot. It is the best predictor we have of fatal police shootings.
Your response is extremely sad and disappointing and further supports the opposite of what this post is communicating. You are a human who will continue to support injustice. I pray mercy on you and those like you.
I don’t support injustice at all. I support truth. While race certainly does play a factor in some shootings lumping a case like Brown who by all evidence was going for a cops firearm in to the same category as Aubrey who was chased down by a group of rednecks and murdered or Treyvon who was again not killed by a white person is dishonest at best. Black men are killed at a higher rate than while men by police officer but black men also kill police officers at a higher rate than white men. There problems on both sides of that line and to only blame the whole problem on race when it’s obviously much more complicated isn’t going to solve anything. You can’t solve problems until you can’t be honest about them and your article wasn’t honest. Is as dishonest as BLM calling out racist white people while letting thier leaders say things like white people are mutants. You want to solve something start with honesty.
Hi Linda,
Thank you for joining Cynthia and me in this thoughtful conversation. What are your thoughts on the statistics Cynthia mentioned? If it is true that black people kill more police officers than any other race, why do you think this happens?
I would love to hear your opinion!
I don’t care what the statistics are. The FBI data does not matter. That Black men commit nearly half of all murders [and the rest of your facts].
This does not give police officers license to participate in open season on Black men. Nothing justifies this.
Cynthia, how can you live with yourself.
This is how my mother, grandmother, and aunt felt/feel about me.
Thank you for putting it in this way for people to read.
I’m a no name right now, but I’ll work as hard as I can to change this for all son and daughters of color. #grassrootschangecoming
Thank you Aaron. My hope was for people to understand the fears of a woman raising a man of color. Thank you for working to create change for our community!
This is a great article and a great reminder to teach and model for our kids what it means to show love to everyone.
One small thing I noticed though, was in your list of black men who were murdered because of the colour of their skin, one name on the list I recognized was Botham Jean. I recently saw a movie/documentary about this case, and my impression was that a white off duty police officer mistakenly went to the wrong apartment and though she was shooting an intruder. My take on it, was that it could have just as easily been a white man and she still would have thought he was an intruder because she thought it was her own apartment. I am not convinced that this particular case was racially motivated. Someone else might know more about it, but that was my impression.
Thank you for your comment! You may not be convinced that a loss of life listed above was racially motivated and one could argue that none of the cases above were racially motiivated. Some have said that each case is unique and the person who pulled the trigger was acting in the best interest of the situation. In each case, all of the details may seem cloudy because we weren’t physically there to witness … But one thing is for certain, they were all unarmed and black young men.
I am a great gram to grandchildren whom are of mixed races in America I know the way it is very hard tell a young child about the racism in the world. But also tell them no matter what u could be what you want with hard work and determination . Give them a example of a person who did it Barack Obama one of the best president we ever had and the young men and women whom overcome the color barrier.it is hard I know but with the right ideals and hard work it could be done.
Thank you for this. My son and I have family and friends that are black. I’ve had the talk with him when he was around 12 and into airsoft guns, he and his friends had to be SO CAREFUL, even in their own yards because of the real danger they could be in. When he became a teen, with a car, I had to tell him that he had to be extra careful when he was on the road with his friends. “Don’t speed, be careful, if you get pulled over with your friends, be especially careful, polite, etc.” I don’t have to tell you, but I want you to know I’ve done my best to raise a son (we are white/latino) that has an amazing group of diverse people that love him and that we love. I know I can do better too, and I am always trying.
I was not able to hold back my tears reading this. I am a white mother of a biracial boy ( I don’t care that he’s 23…he is still my baby boy). I am afraid for him every time he leaves the house. He is the kindest and gentlest soul…the thought of anyone seeing him as anything other than that…because of the color of his skin…well…I could never have said it as you did…your words…are perfect. May I have your permission to share this?
Thank you for this article. My son is 8 as well. He is biracial. His father and I just discussed when to have the conversation about being black in America. It is not a conversation anyone wants to have. It shouldn’t need to be had. Thank you for putting exactly how I feel into words.
I am a white woman. I have a black grandson. I cry sometimes when I consider the world he is growing up in and what he faces. Every time I see his beautiful smile & his dimples, I think “No one would want to hurt this child.”. But, I know that is not true. And, I know that it is wrong that it is not true.
I cried while reading this. I am a white person who was raised right. What I mean by “right,” is that I was raised to love every person that was created, no matter the color of their skin. I wasn’t raised to fear or hate based on the color of someone’s skin, and I wish that everyone was raised this way. It is heartbreaking to me that this is a conversation that mothers’ need to have with their child at all, but especially at such a young age. Whatever race my children end up being, I am committed to teaching them not to fear people that are not the same skin color as them. I am committed to having the conversation with them that they were made from love, and they need to share that love and not hold it back based on the pigment of someone’s skin. I will raise my children to fight this fight with you. Thank you for writing this beautiful article.
Hi, Georgina. Thank you so much for sharing your story. It is heartbreaking, and shows how so much is wrong in our world. I will stand with you as your ally, listening to you, teaching myself all I can about racism and social injustice in America. I promise to march, send letters, call, and listen and learn. Peace and love to you.
Hey sis,
Beautiful words.
I run an e-magazine called the Deadline.
Would you mind if we republish your words in our magazine that is, to, for, and all about black people.
You would inspire many.
Thanks
A.James
vict7@gmx.com
Let me know by Jun. 11th.
I am sorry that your sweet little boy,or your husband, or your brother, or your Dad is threatened by our collective society. I can no longer remain the color-blind teacher that I always thought I was. I now intend to stand up and be counted! This @$#& has to stop! I am sorry that your kid, family, husband is unsafe. If I have to fight, then I will. I am not gonna let people become animals against anyone! Not in my America! LGBTQ, BLACK, BROWN,YELLOW,RED, purple, or spotted,I will not stand silent anymore. I want to learn… I have realized that I have believed a lie, that American is a land of equality , that anyone can advance by the sweat of their brow. Not anymore. I am sorry it took me so long to wake up.
Thank you so much for this article. My son is biracial and I have struggled with my own thoughts about his future. I have read this article a few different times and ended up in tears every time. Thank you so, so much for putting all of my thoughts into words, you did a beautiful job. I could not love this article more.
I am a white mom and grandmother. I state that because I’m also older and have known many people throughout my life, white, black, brown and every color in between. Moms have big jobs and we want only the best for all of our children. I have hated any form of racism I have seen throughout my life and I’m ashamed to admit that I was sometimes complicit by my silence when I saw it. No more. No more can we allow racism to kill our children and grandchildren. They are our future. Why would you kill the future unless you are bitter and so angry you think the world should end with you? It’s not right. Also, as a white mom who tried to teach both of her children well, I answered lots of questions about how life worked. I never had “the talk” as I have been hearing black moms must. I think it’s overdue for white moms to have “the talk” too. The talk may sound slightly different, but our children need to know that when they see or hear things that they know are not right, they may not be able to intervene but they can tell someone. Tell the world. Without the young woman who videoed George Floyd with the white police killing him, the world would never have known what really happened. The other side of the talk is to listen. We as moms must listen to our children. They have much to teach us. Thank you for your space to comment.
This breaks my heart. I wrote about this in “Some White Guy’s Book” in an effort to move the needle with the majority of people out there who are oblivious to all this. We have to actively undo the socialization we experienced. But then so many people will fight even acknowledging this is real with horrible excuses and prejudices. White people are offended by the idea we have privilege, and yet we can keep a wallet in our back pocket and don’t worry about it causing our death at a traffic stop.