So, I’m pregnant.
And if you’re reading this, maybe you are too. Or have been. Or know someone who is.
If you are, I’d like to put the mental image of the Katniss Everdeen salute in your head for a moment. We’re all in this together.
If you’ve been pregnant, I know you’re probably laughing already because you know exactly how ridiculous and dramatic I’m about to sound, because you probably sounded that ridiculous and dramatic once as well.
And if you know a pregnant someone, maybe this little piece here will give you a glimpse into what it takes to grow a human – all the joys of it.
Here’s the thing: crazy tends to just happen when you’re pregnant. In fact, it’s expected. You see a woman with a round belly standing in an aisle at your local grocery store crying because they don’t have the Ben and Jerry’s flavor she was craving, and no one really is surprised.
But I feel it necessary to share some of the crazy thoughts I have had, many of which I know for a fact are shared by many other pregnant mommas I know. Maybe you’ve had a few of them yourself.
1. “I hate my bras.”
Particularly in the first and third trimesters of pregnancy, wearing a bra is simply the most uncomfortable thing ever. It’s awful. It hurts. You want to set it on fire, but for the sake of social norms and public acceptability you put away the lighter fluid. Props to you, moms. I’m with you.
2. “I hate my clothes.”
This usually immediately follows the first thought, especially as you get farther along. When you’re first pregnant, especially if it’s your first baby, you are so delighted by maternity clothes and can’t wait to wear them. Cute styles, functionality, and comfort all rolled into one, right? But then, sometimes something happens. You may reach a point where even your maternity clothes aren’t comfortable anymore and you start wanting to live 24/7 in muumuus or your hubby’s t-shirts. And that’s okay. Clothes are definitely not the pregnant woman’s best friend anyways.
3. “I’m hot!” (immediately followed by “I’m freezing!”)
How is it even possible that a body can go from being completely and utterly overheated and sweating to being in desperate need of a parka and wool socks in a matter of seconds? I never knew it was possible until hormones showed me their power. Best advice I’ve got? Wear easy-to-shed/reapply layers and keep blankets and thick socks in your car. Wear those socks with flip-flops proudly if you must.
4. “Can I really not reach my legs?”
Anyone who has had a huge pregnant belly knows the interesting struggle of shaving/putting on socks/painting toenails. The first time that you end up huffing and puffing in a pile at the end of your bed after a battle with a pair of socks is often a discouraging moment, albeit hilarious. Don’t be afraid to ask for help, I’ve found toddlers love helping their mommas put socks on.
5. “Can a baby’s kick break a rib?”
What starts out as sweet little bubbles popping and little legs kicking gently quickly turns into a Power Rangers episode happening right inside your uterus. Often I’ve pondered how desperately bruised my insides are with the force of the kicks that my little one is giving me. And to answer the question: yes. Entirely possible. Look it up, if you want to be a little scared and fascinated at the same time.
6. “How many hours of sleep a day is excessive?”
Again, particularly during the first and third trimesters, you might begin to wonder how it is possible for someone to be able to sleep so much. I am perfectly capable of going to bed at 8pm and getting up at 8am, and then napping from 12-3 in the afternoon! I just keep telling myself it’s because the quality of sleep at night is not up to par, but I also do start to feel a bit concerned. Not enough to stop, of course. But a bit.
7. “I need one of those swimming nose plugs so I can’t smell anymore.”
Any other pregnant moms have struggled with certain smells in pregnancy? Food smells, home smells, cleaners, colognes, etc. Nothing is safe. It’s even worse when it’s something you’ve always loved, like a favourite food or the scent of your husband’s deodorant. I’ve often thought it would be easier to just wear one of those nose plug things, just to avoid smelling altogether. Save my sanity, save my appetite.
8. “I love you/I hate you/I love you again” (directed at no one person in particular)
Our emotions go on a roller coaster when we are pregnant, right? And while we expect that, sometimes I don’t think we always expect that the way we feel about other people can ride that same wave. And it has no bias: sometimes it’s our husband, next time it’s our child, maybe it’s the barista at your favorite coffee stand. One minute you are crying tears of joy over how much you simply adore them, then you’re mad about something they said, then back to adoration again. It’s okay, they’ll forgive you when they get to meet that cute baby that caused all the trouble.
9. “Am I really willing to admit this craving to my husband?”
Show of hands for anyone who has had a ridiculously disgusting craving? So glad I’m not the only one. Beyond the classic pickles and ice cream to much more intense combinations, there have been moments where I’ve hardly been able to tell my husband about my particular craving because it’s so weird or gross. Anyone else?
10. “If one more person asks if I’ve had this baby, I’m joining the witness protection program.”
There’s nothing better than being massively pregnant, swollen, and cranky, and having people consistently asking if your baby has been born yet. Because, you know, you aren’t also waiting with bated breath for the exact same thing they are, right? You are totally relaxed and calm, trusting the process, and haven’t cried once today about it. Not once. You just shut off all your social media and methods of contact and hide in your bed with some great ice cream and a Netflix series. Except that if they can’t reach you, they’ll think you’re in labor…
Okay, all fun and games, but here’s the reality: Pregnancy is a crazy, fun, hard, messy, but beautiful gift from God. Carrying and birthing a baby is just one of the many steps of motherhood, and having a good giggle at ourselves and each other is often the only way to keep our sanity intact. Let’s keep on keeping it real, ladies.
Now tell me, what were some of your crazy pregnancy thoughts?