A Broken Flask and a Mother’s Gentle Love

A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. Proverbs 15:1

One of my core memories growing up was when I broke my Mum’s favorite water flask. The moment that 2 litre flask hit the ground and shattered, time seemed to stand still. I held my breathe, expecting my Mum to give me the biggest scolding and lecture of my life, knowing full well that I deserved it. What happened instead shocked me. She came running to me from the kitchen and asked, “Are you OK, are you hurt?” “No”, I responded, in between sobs, “I’m so sorry I broke the flask.” She hugged me and said, “kiri kaata!” In Rukiga, our mother tongue, that loosely translated means, “Let the darn thing break.” The implication is I don’t mind losing a material thing, no matter how precious it may be, as long as you are okay. She actually went on to say it was a ransom. That it broke in the place of me being hurt or injured is a trade that she would make any day and any time.

Wow. I didn’t know what to say. That act alone cemented in me that my Mum loved me and valued me so much. That act was worth more than the thousands of times that she had said she loved or treasured me because this was her showing those statements in action and practically living them out. It put a new spin to the saying that goes don’t cry over spilled milk.

Whenever my children make a mess of break something, I try to go back to that moment in my mind and allow how it made me feel to inform my reaction. I don’t get it right all the time, but I sure do more often than I would have if my Mum had not had that beautiful and graceful response to my mistake.

Sometimes we think that if we don’t bring down the law in that moment, it gives the child leeway to keep breaking things on purpose. That could not be further from the truth because quite the opposite happened. I treated things with more care because I was much more endeared to my Mum and more protective of her heart and feelings after that encounter, and didn’t want her to ever lose anything she valued.

He who is slow to anger has great understanding [and profits from his self-control], But he who is quick-tempered exposes and exalts his foolishness [for all to see]. Proverbs 14:29

Character formation happens during difficult times. What we sometimes do not realize, or maybe we do but forget, is that our children are learning how to react in various situations by watching how we react to those very situations. When we model kindness, we are not only filling our children’s tanks but ours as well.

Children flourish under great experience, support and repetition. They do not flourish under threats vs rewards.

The encouragement from all this is to practice everyday to be more like the person you would like to be, leaning on the help of the Holy Spirit who has promised to be our ever-present help.

But the Helper, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in My name, He will teach you all things, and bring to your remembrance all things that I said to you. John 14:26