Social media is full of videos of husbands putting on wigs and pretending to be their wives when company is expected. They run around yelling ridiculous things to their families like: “Dust the baseboards and wash the light switches!” One video had the husband running around like a crazed person vacuuming the ceiling and steam-cleaning walls. The videos are hilarious and I have to admit that I see myself in them.
In another video the husband screeches, “We have to set unrealistic expectations of how we live!” And then as the company enters a perfectly clean home, the “wife” says, “I’m sorry it’s so messy I just haven’t had time to clean.”
Why do we do that to ourselves?
“My presence will go with you, and I will give you rest.” Exodus 33:14
I remember my mom and dad had friends and they would trade hosting each other every other week. One week it was just too much for my mom and she didn’t clean like she usually did. The other lady walked in and said, “Oh, thank goodness, now I don’t have to break my back cleaning for you anymore.” It was a relief for both of them.
When I host people at my house I do run around like a mad woman and clean everything. I used to think that it was because I wanted my guests to feel serene and peaceful in a tidy home. I’m questioning that now. Was that the whole reason or was I guilt cleaning? It was locked in my brain that being a mom and a woman meant that you had to keep a clean and perfect house.
I dislike housework a LOT. So, usually I let things slide in between get-togethers. That means that I have to run around even more to present a fake front when company is coming. It’s exhausting trying to show that I have it all together (I do not).
So when a dear friend announced that she was coming over for a visit this week, my first inclination was to start my crazy cleaning frenzy. But not only did I not feel like cleaning, I had a leg infection and the meds I was taking made me feel exhausted and ill.
In the days that followed I sat in my chair and looked around at all the things I “should” be doing. I waited for the pre-company energy to hit me and it never did. And then a small thought entered my brain, “Could I actually have people over without making my house look like a tidy person lived in it?” I decided to experiment. And here’s what I did:
Nothing. I did nothing!
The floors weren’t swept and mopped. The garbage cans weren’t emptied. There were no bouquets in the bathrooms, no artful displays on every table, and no baked goods to serve company. I did not run myself ragged cleaning everything in sight.
And it felt great.
And guess what, she didn’t even notice. We curled up on the couch and visited for hours. She paid no attention to dust balls, used tissues or the sewing project that was piled around us. If she did notice anything SHE DID NOT CARE!
To take my experiment further I didn’t apologize. I didn’t say a word about the messes and piles. Because this is where life happens. Why should I try and create a false picture of how I live? Why should I be ashamed that a full and messy life goes on in here? There are toys on the floor, partially finished craft projects on almost every surface, tomatoes ripening in windows, and folded laundry stacked on the dining room table. And that is my life.
I recently came across a meme that said: That spoke to me on a deep level because that’s how I live my life. And I want more of that whimsy in my life, not less. I keep every rock my grandkids give me. I leave the toys out that they played with when they visited because the sight of them makes me smile. I start new projects before the old ones are finished because I’m drawn to so many different things.
Should I feel ashamed of all that? Should I hide it away when company comes? Don’t my friends love me for who I am and not for how clean I can make my house?
There will of course be times when I do a frenzy-clean, but there will also be times when I don’t.
And I will work on feeling fine with whichever way the pendulum swings. After all, living a Mom and Nana life is a full and wild ride and why shouldn’t I let that show?
“Unless the Lord builds the house, those who build it labor in vain. Unless the Lord guards the city, the guard keeps watch in vain. It is in vain that you rise up early and go late to rest, eating the bread of anxious toil; for he gives sleep to his beloved.” Psalm 127:1-2
I allowed the rest and peace that only comes from the Lord to enter my soul this week. And it felt great.
I’m not going to apologize for that.
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Read more of Ann’s contributions to AllMomDoes here.
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