The Value of Introverts

This world has always seemed to prefer social people. When I was young, introverts were labeled as “broken” and adults felt that they needed to be fixed. As a child, I was told by teachers, parents and pretty much all adults that there was something wrong with me. And the sad thing was that I believed them.

I watched as my more social friends were celebrated and revered while I got report cards saying things like, “needs to get over her shyness” or “doesn’t participate in class”.

And I have to admit that from the outside, introverts can seem a bit odd.

Don’t be surprised if we talk to ourselves … out loud. It’s just how we process information sometimes.

Our idea of a perfect day involves cancelled plans. Please cancel. We love time spent on our own.

In fact, we recharge by being alone. Going out for a drink after work or meeting a friend for dinner? No thanks. We need time with our thoughts, hobbies or just zoning out to the television instead.

Kelly Sikkema

Small talk drives us crazy. Social settings where surface talk is the norm will exhaust us faster than anything. A deep conversation with just one or two people suits us much better.

We may seem anti-social. Because of our wiring, we might look like we are aloof. We do like people; we just show that in a different way.

Silence does not bother us. We don’t feel the need to fill every second with noise. This freaks some people out.

Introverts don’t have a large friend group. Instead we invest in a few deep and meaningful relationships. We prefer it this way.

We tend to have weird hobbies. All that time alone (plus not feeling the need for others’ approval) can lead to strange pastimes. I have been known to paint sticks, glue stamps of my own making into small books, and make dolls out of toilet paper rolls. It all makes sense to me.

Our need for quiet time is fierce and non-negotiable. One of my guy friends, when he is forced into a social situation, has escape routes figured out before he goes. They include not only excuses to cut the night short, but actual plans of which door will get him out quicker.

These things are hard for social people to understand. I used to hide these parts of myself because the world made me feel ashamed.

It is only recently that introverts have fought back. Finally, enough of us were tired of the labels and began talking about our unique strengths.

For example:

1. Introvert friends are excellent listeners. Try getting your social butterfly friends to listen to you for any length of time and you may notice that they have trouble listening.

2. Introverts are keen observers. Because we tend to sit back and observe, we notice small details that others miss. We can read body language and the tiniest nuances of behavior.

3. This leads us to advanced empathy. How can we not have empathy when we see so much that more social people miss.

4. It is easier to have a deep conversation with an introvert. We do not dominate conversations. Instead, we listen carefully and take in small details.

5. Introverts often excel at creative pursuits. Writing and art are best done alone and introverts are not afraid of being alone, in fact we often prefer it.

6. We can keep ourselves happy and occupied. We don’t need others for constant entertainment or validation.

7. We make ideal friends and partners because we value personal space and privacy.

8. We think before we speak and take action. This reduces hasty errors and impulsive actions (making us ideal employees).

Knowing all these pluses to being an introvert makes it hard to understand why the world has always been so keen to “fix” us.

And because so many were telling us that we were broken, we believed it.

I am happy that introverts have finally started speaking up (even though it’s hard for us!). I spent years being a square peg trying to shove myself into the round hole the world insisted I fit into. I just couldn’t do it and it made me feel so ashamed.

When I had my own kids, I became a mama bear. Teachers who tried to label my children the same way I was labeled were given an earful. I did everything I could to make sure they did not go through the guilt and shame that I went through.

My journey to acceptance of myself took much longer.

It is through years of trying and failing to be more social, counseling, and just plain stubbornness that I now view being an introvert as a blessing and not a curse.

My kids’ pediatrician had a sign in his office that said, “God Don’t Make No Junk”. And it is true. He doesn’t. The gifts He gave me would not have been possible without the unique wiring I have.

For years I dreamed of magically turning into an outgoing party person. I can finally say that given the chance to be changed into a social butterfly, I wouldn’t take it.

I am fine the way I am and God knew that when He created me.

“For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.” Ephesians 2:10